Dark Heart

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Dark Heart

Post by KaraiValentine on Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:48 pm

Chapter 1

Slicing through yet another Hollow, Rukia deactivated her zanpakuto's shikai and sheathed it then scanned to see if there were any more in the area but it was clean. For the time being, Karakura was safe. She could head back to Urahara's shop to take a break. The owner greeted her with open arms and had Tessai put on some tea for them.
"Thank you for your hard work, Rukia-san," Urahara said as he served the tea.
"Those Hollows are just low-rank, barely enough to give me a little exercise," she replied then blew on her tea before sipping it.
"Oh? But you even used your shikai to get rid of them…"
"I needed to finish them quickly," she replied quietly.
"Why… oh. It's today," Kisuke said looking grim.
Rukia just stared at her cup for a long while, watching the steam rise into the air, neither of them said another word and sat there in silence for a few minutes until a tall young man appeared at the shop. Rukia left with him and headed uphill, going to the cemetery. But just at the entrance they found two men arguing about something. Both wore black, mourning suits but while one had dark hair and a rugged look, the other was clean-shaved and had white hair.
"Both Seiretei and that bastard son of yours are to blame, Kurosaki!" the one with white hair yelled.
"Ishida-san," Rukia greeted.
The man frowned as he looked at the new arrivals. "More Shinigami…" he mumbled as he walked away.
Isshin sighed then tried to smile. "Good to see you, Rukia-chan, Chad-kun," he said and the three of them entered the cemetery.
They walked down the stone path to a grave with a white, marble tombstone marked 'Ishida Uryuu'.
"Is Ryuuken-san still blaming Ichigo?" Chad asked.
"Yes… to be honest, I can understand why…"
"But Ichigo…"
"I know, Rukia-chan," Isshin interrupted. "But look at it from his point of view… when Ichigo not only stabbed Ishida-kun but destroyed his body… even with his mind taken over like that, anyone can blame him."
"It's not fair…"
"I thought I'd find you all here," Renji said as he and Yoruichi walked their way.
"Renji? Yoruichi-san? What's going on?" Rukia asked.
"They've finally come to a decision," the woman answered bitterly.
Isshin went pale when he understood who she meant and on what they had made a decision. He was not the only one though. Rukia also felt a cold hand gripping her heart and even Chad's calm expression had been replaced by a pained one.
"You don't mean…" Chad began.
"Yes, they're going to hunt down Ichigo and Inoue-san," Renji said.
"Who?" Isshin asked frowning.
"Byakuya, Zaraki and Hitsugaya," Yoruichi answered. "But powerful as they are, Ichigo may stand a chance against them…"
"If he does, they'll send an army next time," Isshin stated. "If he doesn't…"
He did not finish his sentence. More like he could not. Having his son an outlaw like that, hunted down like a common criminal was too much for him to bear.
"Isn't there anything we can do?" Chad asked.
"You want to go against the whole court again?" Renji asked. "Last time it was to save Rukia and you got away because of Aizen. But this time… if we stand up to protect Ichigo, they'll slice right through us."
"So what are we supposed to do?!" Rukia snapped. "Just let them hunt him down like that? Let them kill him?!"
"No, I'm going after him," Yoruichi announced.
"I'm coming too," Isshin said.
"No, you have to stay here, for your daughters."
"He's my son…"
"And if we do get him back to normal, what will he think of you for leaving the girls alone?" the woman countered. "I'll get him back. I'll drag Kisuke along too to help."
"I'm coming as well," Chad said determined.
"As am I," Rukia added.
"Rukia…" Renji said on a low tone.
"What? Are you going to try and stop me? You?!"
"Uh, no… I meant… I should come too…"
"But Yoruichi-san… even with you and Urahara, Ichigo's power…"
"Don't worry, I plan on bringing at least one more person. Someone who can go toe to toe with Ichigo, even in his Vasto Lorde state. And help us cure it as well."
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by Meatloaf on Wed Feb 13, 2013 6:07 pm

Upon request here is a summary*

The story is different, which is good. A sense of mystery is introduced early on which means that there are some strings being worked behind the scenes. Some more description could be used as to what has happened to each character since. but good overall, can't wait to see more.
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Chapter 2

Post by KaraiValentine on Sun Feb 24, 2013 9:06 pm

2
The alarms were going off in Soul Society, alerting everyone of intruders and with three of the captains gone, it was bad news. The remaining captains scrambled all over the court to try and find those bold or foolish enough to break in.
"Are you sure they can handle it, Yoruichi-san?" Rukia asked as she was led by the former captain down the steps of the Shinigami prison.
"Don't worry, Chad and Renji have grown pretty strong and they know better than to take on any of the captains."
"Still… whose help do you think you can get from a place like this?"
"Someone I never thought I'd see again, at least not so soon…"
They went down several levels, passed many prison cells where various dangerous enemies had been locked up. Just being there made Rukia's hair stand on end. She knew they could not harm her but it did not make her feel any better. And there was always the risk they could get caught. But she had to do it, she owed it to Ichigo.
Yoruichi finally came to a stop in front of a cell with a large metal door that had only a small opening for the guards to see the inside.
"A visitor?" a weak, woman's voice was heard. "How strange… no one told me I was allowed visitors now."
"You're not, this isn't a social call," Yoruichi replied.
"Oh…! Corps Commander… no wait, you quit the job a while back…" the voice said amused. "What brings you here, Neko-chan?"
"A trade, Kasumi," Yoruichi said frowning.
"You've got my attention… what're the stakes?"
"I let you out, you help me. You succeed, you go free. At least until they capture you again," the former captain said smiling.
"Leaving just so I can be on the run… not a very compelling argument," the other woman said.
"Fine then, I'll owe you a favour."
"Yoruichi-san! Are you sure you want to be in high risk prisoner's debt?" Rukia asked.
"If that's what it takes," she answered firmly.
"This sounds important… fine then, you've got a deal."
Yoruichi had Rukia step back then used the demon arts to blow the door apart then walked inside the dark cell alone. A few moments later she came out alongside a woman with white hair and blue eyes. She was wearing dirty, baggy, old clothes and she was also filthy from living in that place for so long.
"And who's this cute little thing?" she asked looking at Rukia.
"Kuchiki Rukia of the thirteenth division," the girl answered.
"Kuchiki? My, my… this is a day of surprises…”
"We should get out of here. Take this," Yoruichi said handing the prisoner a large dumpling. "It'll replenish some of your reiatsu."
"Haven't had food in centuries..." Kasumi said with a watering mouth as she grabbed it.
"Just don't eat it..." she paused when the woman shoved the dumpling in her mouth, chewed a few times then swallowed whole. "All at once..."
"It feels great..." the white haired woman said squeezing her fist. "Shall we quit lying around, Goddess of Shunpo?"
Yoruichi smiled and picked Rukia up and the two women raced to the top stopping just outside the entrance to the prison. But as she stopped, Kasumi almost tripped over her own feet and fell forward.
"Damn... I am way out of practice..."
"We should go before..."
"Yoruichi-san!" Chad called as he Renji appeared. "It's time to go. They're planning to put a barrier around Seiretei."
"Don't worry, we've got plenty of..."
Renji and Chad were suddenly knocked to the ground and Rukia was grabbed in a headlock, Soi Fon then placing her released Suzumebachi to her throat.
"This is as far as... Yoruichi-sama?! You're behind this?!" she asked surprised.
"I don't have time to explain, Soi Fon. But I need to leave."
"B-but... you're already an exile, if you break a prisoner out then..."
"What? They'll put a bounty on me?" Yoruichi asked smiling. "I'm leaving one way or another. But I'll give you the choice I didn't last time. Try to stop me or come with me and become an exile too."
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by kusaka on Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:13 pm

Nice story youv'e inspired me to begin writing again
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by Setoku on Mon Aug 26, 2013 6:25 pm

It's original, which is nice. And a good use of Canon Characters. You seem to match their personality's close enough. I'd have to see more to actually get all "I'm a god a critiquing other peoples work cuz I'm cool" (I'm not v.v) But so far, so good. Keep up the epic work.
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by KaraiValentine on Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:43 pm

3
The corps commander seemed to be thinking her decision over but after less than a minute she released Rukia but said nothing, it seemed like she was not even looking at Yoruichi even though her eyes were fixed on her.
"You guys go on ahead," Yoruichi said.
"Are you sure, Yoruichi-san?" Renji asked.
"I'll be fine," the woman said walking towards Soi Fon.
The four of them left reluctantly, mostly because they were left alone with the supposedly super-strong prisoner whose help they needed.
"Soi Fon!" Yoruichi exclaimed to snap her out of her daze. "I can't wait forever."
"I... I just want to know, why are you doing this?"
"Because. That boy deserves it."
"Then it will be my honour to..."
"Make sure you think about this carefully, Soi Fon," the other woman interrupted. "There will be no going back on this."
"I know, Yoruichi-sama," Soi Fon said smiling.
They ran all the way back to the portal to Karakura that led them into Urahara's shop. Stepping in its relative safety, they felt relieved. No one was there to greet them but they were glad to be out of Seiretei just the same.
"Cosy little place you got here," the former prisoner stated.
"Don't get any ideas," Rukia warned.
"Or what? The three of you will hold me down? Spare me, little girl. I may not have my full power back but I can take you three on..."
"Welcome back!" Kisuke said opening the door. "I'm glad to see you all..." he trailed off, his eyes widening as he stared at the white woman.
"Yo, blondie!" the woman said waving her hand. "Long time no see, eh?"
"Y-yeah..."
"You know her, Urahara-san?" Renji asked.
"Oh, blondie and I go way back. If you're here... where's Moustachio?"
"At... uh, at the counter..."
There was an obvious tension in the room. Everyone was disturbed by the presence of that prisoner that knew Yoruichi, Tessai and Urahara from early on and was exceptionally powerful. That was no time for secretes, not when they would have the Gotei after them.
"So who are you?" Rukia finally asked.
"You don't expect me to introduce myself, do you? Where's the fun in that?" the woman replied smiling.
"I want to know now!" the female Shinigami said grabbing her sword.
"Calm down," Yoruichi said entering the room through a new formed portal, followed by Soi Fon.
Seeing the Corps Commander, Rukia, Renji and Chad moved into attack positions but Yoruichi held up a hand. "Don't worry, she's on our side."
"Can we trust her?" Chad asked.
"Do you doubt me?" Soi Fon bit back.
"Yeah, did that escape you just now, kid?" Kasumi said grinning.
"You dare?!" the captain growled and grabbed her sword.
"Everyone calm down!" Yoruichi demanded. "This isn't getting us anywhere..."
"Tell us then," Renji said. "Who is she?"
"She is Shinju Kasumi... my old mentor," the former Corps Commander answered. "She's the first natural born Visored."
Yoruichi spent the next hour explaining a few things along with Kasumi. Apparently, when she died she did not instantly become either Shinigami or Hollow but a mixture of both. However, both being latent, it was not apparent in the early years, not even after she joined the Shinigami academy and became one of its most preeminent students. She had been well on her way to becoming captain when her hollow half started surfacing and spent two hundred years fighting it until the battle was won and she came out as pure Shinigami. That was why they needed her help, she could help Ichigo do the same thing she did. Or so they hoped.
At the end of the day, Kasumi was sitting on the roof of the candy store. She had bathed and changed into a plain, black kimono.
"Been a long time since I saw stars," she said when Yoruichi sat down next to her.
"Over two hundred years if I'm not mistaken," the coloured woman stated.
"Your little fangirl doesn't like me."
"Soi Fon will behave... try to do the same, would you?"
"Why should I?" Kasumi asked moving closer to her, placing a hand on the back of her head. "I had you first."
"Had, past tense," Yoruichi said trying to pull away but she was either not trying too hard or the other woman was too strong.
"History can repeat itself," Kasumi said and kissed her.
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by Getsuga on Mon Sep 02, 2013 8:47 pm

Cool story Rain 

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Re: Dark Heart

Post by jetxtreme on Mon Sep 09, 2013 2:02 am

cool action-at-rise-of-curtain style there. You still have to improve on the way you cut the scenes but as it is the transition is cool. the flow of the story is inviting as mysteries are being unfolded little by little and there's always something to look forward to for the next paragraph making it very inviting to read till the end. not boring.
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by KaraiValentine on Mon Sep 09, 2013 2:04 am

4
Sitting in a large room, a girl with chocolate skin, flanked by two members of the Correction Corps, was kneeling on the floor. She had an impatient look on her face as she stared at the empty wall in front of her and her eyebrows were twitching.
"Geez... what's taking so long?!" the girl demanded.
"Now, now, Yoruichi-dono..." one of her guards said. "This person comes highly recommended by all the noble houses."
"Humph, not for punctuality... I'm noble blood, I shouldn't have to wait this long," she said smugly, crossing her arms over her chest.
Just then, the doors behind them opened and as they turned they saw a tall woman with short, messy white hair stepped in wearing black pants and a black shirt with no back or shoulders. A large jug of sake was resting on her shoulder, held by the rope wrapped around the middle and there were clear signs that she had already been drinking.
"This is her?" the woman asked looking at the girl.
"Y-yes, Shinju-sama," one of the guards answered.
The woman stared at her blankly then took a long drink from her miniature gourd.
"You're supposed to train me?" Yoruichi asked revolted.
"If you're going to address me, kid, it'll be by calling me 'sensei' or 'Shinju-sama'... maybe even 'Idol-sama', what do you think?"
"Idol? You?" Yoruichi said then burst into laughter.
The woman made a face then picked her up by the scruff of her neck. "You want an ass-kicking or something?"
"W-what are you doing?!" one of the guards demanded. "I'll have you know that's a member of a noble house you're holding!"
"And I'll have you know, next person who gives me lip is in for a world of pain," the woman replied.
"You lay one finger on me..."
An icy glare appeared in the woman's eyes as the hand that held her sake dropped it on the floor then made a fist ready to punch the girl. The two guards tried to attack but she released her spiritual pressure, knocking them both to the ground leaving the girl wide-eyed.
"You wanna try that again, squirt?"
Yoruichi suddenly woke up and looked around. She was lying in bed in a room at Urahara's place, alone. She put her face in her palms for a while then looked up at the sky through the window.
'What a time to remember that…'
She changed her clothes then went out to find everyone, except Soi Fon, at the table eating breakfast. The whole atmosphere was still tense and everyone was quiet. Kasumi was eating without the slightest bit of restraint while everyone looked at her from the corners of her eyes.
"Oh, you're finally up, Neko-chan?" Kasumi said with a half full mouth.
"That's Yoruichi-san to you," the other woman corrected and sat down. "Is there any food left?"
"Right away," Tessai said rushing to the kitchen.
"Soi Fon, you're not eating?" Yoruichi called but the younger woman did not answer.
She ate quickly then went outside to sit next to her. The others had scattered to patrol the area as soon as they finished eating, in case of Hollows or worse, while Kasumi had gone back to sleep.
"What's wrong?" Yoruichi asked.
"Nothing," Soi Fon answered not even looking at her.
"Looks to me like something is very wrong," the former captain insisted.
"It certainly did not look like it…"
"What didn't look…" she trailed off when she realised that Soi Fon was barely holding back tears.
Yoruichi realised only one thing could have made her so upset, she must have seen what Kasumi had done the previous night and that she had not fought it hard enough either.
"Soi Fon, what happened between me and her was a long time ago… before I even met you. Heck, before I was even Corps Commander."
"It didn't look that way to her…"
"Remember when I said you remind me of myself? This is one of the reasons. When I was young, she was to me like I seem to be to you. But unlike us, for me and her it's been a lot longer… and I was only a kid back then."
"Are you saying you don't want her anymore?" Soi Fon asked finally looking at her.
Yoruichi took her time in answering, after giving it some thought. "I won't lie to you… I'm not sure how I feel about her. The way we parted was not like how I left you… it's complicated. For a while I had even forgotten about her. But we have more important things to worry about. We leave for Hueco Mundo tonight and I need you ready for battle."
"You can count on me, Yoruichi-sama!"
"Me too, Yourichi-sama!" Kasumi said from one floor up, mocking Soi Fon.
"Put a dango in it, will you?" Yoruichi replied.
That evening, they were making the final preparations before leaving. Most looked worried, only Urahara had a miserable look on his face while Kasumi seemed amused by everything. She was still eating a few dango on a stick and had a bottle of water in her other hand.
"Hasn't your reiatsu replenished itself yet?" Renji asked.
"Almost, this should finish up but I'll still need something for the road… where's Moustachio?"
"Right here, Kasumi-dono," the man said walking in with a large gourd.
"Ah, my supplies are here," she said tying it to her back. "Well, I'm ready to go."
"So are we," Yoruichi said. "Remember to tell them where we're going and why when they come looking."
"Understood," Tessai acknowledged.
They all stepped through the portal and began their journey to Hueco Mundo. Unknown to them, a figure dressed in black was watching the whole scene from the window and as soon as they disappeared, it left in a hurry.
In Soul Society, Choujirou was rushing down the hall to the Captain Commander's office. Opening the doors he found the old man sitting by the window, looking at the horizon.
"Pardon my intrusion, sir, but we have information from Karakura town," the lieutenant said walking forward.
"What is it?"
"As suspected, Shihouin Yoruichi was the one who broke the prisoner out. Currently she is accompanied by former captain Urahara Kisuke, 6th division lieutenant, Abarai Renji and Kuchiki Rukia of the 13th division as well as the prisoner. Also she is accompanied by the human Yasutora Chad. It seems their goal is to locate and retrieve Kurosaki Ichigo before the captains find him."
"Hmm…" the old man grunted. "With that woman with them they might just succeed… inform the captains of the recent events. Have the three hunting the Kurosaki boy to be on guard. If they meet them, there will be a fight."
"At once."
"Anything else?"
"We also have reports from the units investigating the other matter. They cannot be completely certain but it is possible that its aim might be Kurosaki as well. However, because of its speed and erratic movements, they cannot tell for certain. It is either taking a long time or Kurosaki is difficult to find even for a creature such as that."
"I see… once you're done with informing everyone, have captains Kyourkaku, Ukitake and Unohana report to me, I have to talk to them."
"But sir… the captains are currently investigating the anomaly as you ordered."
"Yes? Then… recall them and replace them with Kurotsuchi, Komamura and Hisagi…"
"As you command," the lieutenant said and left.
For a good while the old man still stared at the horizon then suddenly raised his hand and stared at it for a while.
"For it to happen at a time like this…"
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by jetxtreme on Tue Sep 24, 2013 12:43 pm

no next chapter yet?
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by KaraiValentine on Thu Sep 26, 2013 10:17 pm

5
Five days since entering Hueco Mundo and they had seen no signs of Ichigo. They had set up camp in a small cave in a mountain formation before heading out again. While the others took that time to rest, Kasumi was going up the mountain, straight to the top. When she reached it, she took her time to look around then sat down and let her mind wander.
"There something I can do you for, kid?"
"Just what are you planning?" Soi Fon asked, a hand on her sword.
"I'm hatching a diabolical scheme to feed you all to Hollows while I gaze sleepily at the horizon... geez, get a life, would ya?"
"You can't fool me, you're up to something," the Corps Commander insisted.
"Why? Because I'm flirting with your heartthrob?" Kasumi asked turning her head to look at her. "I get it, you're jealous because Kitten likes me more than you and now you want to tell me to back off or else..."
"She does not!" Soi Fon yelled. "You stay away from her."
Kasumi frowned and a moment later disappeared. Soi Fon tried to dodge but the older woman grabbed her face and pushed her to the ground, holding the hand she had on her sword in place while the other hand still held her chin tightly.
"Don't threaten me, little girl. I get that you love her and you want to protect her but don't make the mistake of pissing me off. I helped her grow, I trained her to be the amazing woman you admire, for a long time she was everything to me. Don't ever make the mistake of saying I plan on hurting her again or I swear I'll..."
"That's enough!" Yoruichi demanded. "Let her go."
Kasumi's frown deepened but she released Soi Fon and stood up. She gave Yoruichi a fleeting glance before running off towards another cliff. Soi Fon sat up rubbing her chin then turned away from her former senior officer as she walked her way and sat down next to her.
"Soi Fon..." Yoruichi sighed placing a hand on her head. "Still so short tempered."
"Yoruichi-sama I... I just don't want to lose you again. Especially not to her..."
"I thought it was clear that finding Ichigo takes priority over personal squabbles. You disappoint me, Soi Fon," the dark skin woman said harshly, making tears fall down the other's cheeks. Yoruichi smiled sympathetically then wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You know, this is really my fault."
"N-no! It's me! It's my fault! I'm too weak and..."
"Hush now," Yoruichi said placing a finger on the woman's lips. "When Kasumi was imprisoned it was because she sought to separate herself from her Hollow half, which she achieved. But the separation had left her temporarily weakened and the Hollow that had been part of her ran amuck. A lot of Shinigami died that night... at first she was imprisoned pending a trial while the threat was subdued. But I broke the rules and let her out and she went to fight that thing. I don't know what happened but it must have been a terrible battle because she was found half dead and the Hollow never to be found. They locked her up again and sentenced her to a long time in prison... however, they offered to reduce her sentence if she told them how she escaped. She didn't."
"I... I see..."
"For a long time I resented her for not telling them. I wanted to go to prison with her rather than be separated for so long. Then I resented myself for acting so foolishly. Soon after that I had to take up my responsibilities. Sure, it was fun with Kisuke and Tessai but there was something missing. A hole I didn't know how to fill... until I met you."
"M-me?"
"Spending time with you made me relive the moments when I was with her and more. It was different, I was the one teaching you, the one helping you grow. In a way, I thought being with you gave me closure for what happened in the past... and then I went and repeated history. You see now? It's my fault because I used you to ease my own pain but I ended up hurting you... my precious little Bee," Yoruichi said caressing the other's cheek.
"Yoruichi-sama... I'm glad I could help you..." Soi Fon replied placing a hand on top of Yoruichi's.
The former captain smiled then leaned forward and kissed her. A few miles away, Kasumi was still watching the whole scene and when she saw the kiss she clenched her fist and turned away.
"I think I'm losing her..." she said quietly.
"I think you lost her a long time ago," Kisuke replied. "When you didn't tell her about what you were planning to do and how dangerous it was."
"I thought... I thought I could... if I came we..."
"You'd go back to how things were? She's moved on, Kasumi-san. You should to."
"To what?! What do I have left?! When this is over and I get that kid back I'll be on the run! Alone!" she shouted then punched the ground, cracking it. "She's all I have left... without her, I might as well let the old man execute me and put an end to it all."
"Maybe rescuing Kurosaki-san will redeem you and they'll reconsider your punishment."
"And go off to retire? Drink sake and eat dango till the end of my days? Yeah, sure..."
"There are worse fates," he pointed out.
"You're assuming, of course, that this whole thing will go so well. This kid's killed someone, yeah he was taken over by the Hollow but you really think they'll let him go with a slap on the wrist? Even if I bring him back to his old self, he's got two choices. Turn himself in and be locked away for a very long time if they don't execute him or keep running for the rest of his life..."
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Re: Dark Heart

Post by jetxtreme on Fri Sep 27, 2013 8:52 am

hmmm...it's just a hunch but could it be that the other creature pursuing ichigo is Kasumi's hollow part? Question
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