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A Shinamori Parody [Pt. 1]

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Post by straywolf174 Thu Jun 10, 2021 11:06 am

Or in other words...

The Shinamori Timeline in a Nuttshell

--- Shinamori Clan (before death) ---

Youkai: You're mine now. Have some cheezits.
Sara: I owe you my life.

...

Youkai: I have brought you a husband.
Sara: Dude I'm like, five.
Setoku: You're just a dog anyway.
Sara: BITCH I'LL-!
Lobo: I call dibs.

...

Sara: Youkai I-
Youkai: No.
Sara: But this girl won't stop-
Youkai: Shhhhhh.
Sara: ...Guess you're staying.
Jen: *literally never leaves Sara's side* :D
Setoku & Lobo: -_-;

...

Eshilieth: Oh man, what a coincidence I found this family out here in the mountains...with my sister.
Ivy: *stares into the void*
Youkai: Do you know how to cook?
Eshilieth: Um.
Youkai: Welcome home.
Ivy:  ...*attaches to Setoku like a magnet*

...

Sara: You ever get the feeling we're too young to be dating?
Setoku: We kill people.
Sara: No you!
Lobo: Wait- you're-?
Sara: Shhhhhh.
Setoku: Welp time to go back to work!

...

Sara: Jen what do you do all day?
Jen: Follow you.
Sara: I meant when you're not doing that...
Jen: *sudden PTSD flashbacks*

...

Setoku: Man I haven't seen Sara all day.
Lobo: She said said was going out to train with Ivy.
Sara & Ivy: -redacted-

...

Sara: Youkai has been distant.
Setoku: Yeah.
Ivy: I love you.
Setoku: What?

...

Lobo: *takes the last Capri Sun*
Sara: *stabs Lobo in the face*
Lobo: *dies and becomes a Hollow*

...

Setoku: I'm leaving.
Sara: To get milk?
Setoku: ...sure.
Sara: Cool. Get some condoms too.

...

Sara: *realizes he wasn't leaving to get milk*
Eshilieth: What do we do now?
Sara: ...I think I'm gay.
Jen: What's that?
Sara: It means I'm ****.
Ivy: You sure are.
Sara: NOT YOU!

...

Eshilieth: *coughs*
Sara: Oh **** you're dying I'll find a healer!
Sara: *returns with a religious murderer*
Eshilieth: ...God dammit.

...

Lyonin: *pokes Eshilieth*
Eshilieth: *dies*
Sara: *trips in confusion*
Jen: *dies*
Youkai: Oh for the love of-
Sara: *dies*
Youkai: ...welp. They ain't gettin any deader.

...

Setoku: The family I left to be with my harlot ninja died without me? It's almost as if I was one of their two only protectors or something!
Isabella: Didn't your fling kill your brother...?
Setoku: Shhhhhhh hush those sexy lips we don't talk about that.
Isabella: What now?
Setoku: Uh...filler arc?

...

Setoku: *dies in Shinsengumi*


--- Shinamori Timeline (After death) ----

Lobo: Sara.
Stray: I think you mean Cero.
Lobo: ...sure. Cero Espada it is.

...

Setoku: Huh. I'm dead.
Stray: I don't know why but I hate you.
Setoku: I don't know why but I love you.
Lobo: Oh come on!

...

Stray: I don't want to be a Hollow.
Setoku: What? I couldn't hear you over how awesome my battle theme is.
Lobo: It is pretty awesome...
Youkai: Yeah, it kinda is.
Sara: What?
Setoku & Lobo: What?
Sara: *visible confusion*

...

Lyonin: You're cute.
Stray: I'll kill you.
Lyonin: Have some Cheezits.
Stray: I love you.
Setoku: I hate you now.
Stray: But I love you...
Setoku & Lyonin: What?
Stray: Nothing.

...

Setoku: Die, Zero!
Stray: *blocks while reading a magazine*
Setoku: Uh...
Stray: Oh, right my bad. *clears throat...coughs up blood*

...

Lyonin: SETOKUUUUUUUU!
Setoku: LYONIIIIIIIN!
Stray: *blinks*
Lobo: What are they doing?
Stray: Being gay.
Lobo: Wanna get ice cream and come back at the climax?
Stray: **** yeah!

...

Setoku: Witness my true form...devour joy, Segunda Etapa.
Youkai: THAT'S MY JOB!
Setoku: What the-
Stray: *rushes Setoku full hichigo style*
Setoku: *waves white flag*
Lyonin: What was that?
Setoku: Filler arc.
Lyonin: Filler arc?
Setoku: Filler arc.
Stray: *roars*

...

Setoku: Brother!
Lyonin: in law.
Setoku: Right. That's what I meant.

...

Setoku: Stray you're pregnant?
Stray: I am?
Kisenagi: She is.
Lyonin: Who the **** are you?
Kisenagi: Don't know don't care I'm taking your wife bye!
Lyonin: Uh...
Setoku: ...
Joseph: I exist now.
Setoku: Wait was Stray just-
Joseph: Knife!
Setoku: Knife?
Joseph: *stabs*

...

Lobo: Setoku. Kill me.
Setoku: No.
Lobo: But plot.
Setoku: Eh. **** it.

...

Joseph: Setoku. Kill me.
Setoku: Was gonna anyway but now I kinda don't want to...
Joseph: But plot.
Setoku: Nah.
Joseph: But I know your secret.
Setoku: What secret?
Joseph: You never got the condo---
Setoku: *kills Joseph*

...

Stray: I'm back. I'm crazy and I have a kid now.
Setoku: I'm lonely and I also have kids now. One of them might be yours. Also Jen was exiled and might be dead.
Stray: What?
Setoku: Fill-
Stray: Say Filler and I'll stab you.
Setoku: ...Filler. >;D
Stray: *stabs self in confusion*

...

Lyonin: Stray you're alive!
Stray: *godzilla roars due to abandonment*
Lyonin: Nevermind gotta go!

...

Ritsuka: Mom?
Stray: No.
Ritsuka: *snuggles*
Stray: ...maybe...

...

Setoku: Stray! You need to get rid of it!
Stray: I'm done with AA Meetings.
Setoku: I can't keep watching you destroy yourself!

...

Eshilieth: *swoops in, steals what remains of Youkai's spirit*

- cue epic fight scene + escape -

Stray: *30 minutes of screaming and crying*
Setoku: *30 minutes of meaningful flashbacks*
...

Setoku: I love you.
Stray: I tolerate you.
Setoku: Close enough.

...

Kurome: You never knew your son. I raised him.
Stray: Uh huh. That's great. Gun.
Kurome: Gun?
Ritsuka: *becomes gun*
Stray: Ah ~ Just like old times.
Setoku: You sure this will work?
Stray: Nope! *shoots hole into pocket dimension*


---


Eshilieth: *stabs Stray* Sup bitch.
Stray: Choke me like.you hate me!
Setoku: Lowkey wanna date me?
Ivy: Would you **** me!?
Stray: *angry wolf noises* ... *zanpakuto appears*
Eshilieth: *laughs in narcissist & dissappears*
Stray & Setoku: *follows scent to human home*
Kurome: *totally cries*

...

Stray: No destroying our home. Good memories.
Setoku: You were literally raped here.
Stray: ...
Ivy: ...
Setoku: I'm gonna kill you both.
Ivy: I'd like to see you try.
Stray: ...yeah me too actually.
Setoku: But I love you.
Stray: ...Yeah. I know.
Ivy: Seriously? This again?
Stray & Setoku: *nearly kills Ivy with power of 'friendship'*
Setoku: *dies from positivity*

...


Jen: NO ONE HURTS STRAY- oh it's just you Setoku...
Stray: Literally everyone here has hurt me Jen.
Jen: You killed me shut up.
Stray: Oh yeah...
Other children: We're here too!

...

Other Children: Let us help you.
Stray: No.
Other children: But you're so pretty and strong...
Stray: ...you've got five minutes.

...

Stray: How many damn kids exist!?
Eshilieth (in the back): Too many! *gets summoned*
Other children: We got this! *gets distracted by ice cream truck*
Eshilieth: Now then, let's dance Stray
Stray: ...God dammit.
Eshilieth: What?
Stray: Nothing, just-...nothing.
Setoku; *groans* Stop being Gay and punch her!

...

Stray: *gets stabbed for the 100th time*
Eshilieth: You're disgusting and ugly.
Stray: I don't believe you.
Eshilieth: You're hot and I love you.
Stray: I still don't believe you.
Eshilieth: *Pouts from lack of worship*
Setoku: If you sleep with her I'll kill you both.
Stray: Oh my **** God.
Youkai: Yes?
Stray: NOT NOW.
Ivy: And history would remember them as roommates. *gets choked to death*
straywolf174
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Character sheet
Name: Sara Shinamori
Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Fri Jun 11, 2021 2:40 am

….. well I mean, it’s not…. It’s not entirely wrong.

But those were not filler arcs. They were totally integeral to the plo—— *Remembers womanizing Lyonin, and the amount of Shinamori Lyonin killed in one night…. 2*


Yeah, totally necessary to the plot!
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Post by straywolf174 Fri Jun 11, 2021 3:50 am

I was honestly just bored enough to create something stupid for my personal amusement.
But yes, definitely necessary.
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Post by Setoku Fri Jun 11, 2021 5:23 am

And there is still a few more I gotta do :o Filler arcs for all!! Lol
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Post by straywolf174 Sat Jun 12, 2021 11:56 am

A hecc ton of meme generated family snippets.

Spoiler:
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Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Mon Jun 21, 2021 4:48 am

Love of Setoku and Stray in a nutshell


First meeting of love:



Setoku: …..

Sara: ……

Setoku: …….

Sara: …….

Setoku: SWORD!!!!!

Birth of Mortal Child

Sara: Incoherent Screaming

Eshilieth: It’s crowning!!! Setoku, come see your baby daughter!!!

Setoku: Why…. Why is her vagina blowing a bubble?

Eshilieth: …….

Setoku: ……..

Sara: Incoherent Screaming

Youkai: Hi

Setoku, Sara, Eshilieth: Incoherent Screams

Teenage Years; cuddled in bed

Setoku: I love you, Sara

Sara: ……

Setoku: ……

Sara: ……

Setoku: …….

Sara: ……Zzzzz

Setoku: :D

Ivy: Love you too, Setoku!!

Sara x Setoku: THE HELL?!


The Stray Wolf and Setoku

Setoku: I am god and all women love me.

Stray: ……

Setoku: ALL Women.

Stray: …….

Setoku: Say it….

Stray: ……

Lyonin: ‘Ello!

Setoku:  THE-FUK-IS-THAT-THING?! *Jump scared out a window*



And that’s how it’s done :D
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Post by straywolf174 Mon Jun 21, 2021 5:07 am

The Youkai bit and the Lyonin moment got me to actually laugh and that's illegal. Unfortunately you must die now.
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Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Mon Jun 21, 2021 7:18 am

Well I strive to make peo——- I mean, I didn’t make you laugh. Here’s a play by play of what happened:

Stray: Reads Setoku’s tacky rip off abridged of their love. See’s Lyonin say ‘Ello”

Stray:……

Stray:……..

Lyonin:….I don’t talk like tha—-

Stray: FUKIN-CHRIST-ITS-BACK *Ceros Him to death. In ensuing explosion his screams sound like laughter as the gasses escape his body through the pores in his skin.*

*Setoku Walks in and slips on residue’dae’Lyo;Nin-F4*
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Post by straywolf174 Mon Jun 21, 2021 8:50 am

The concept of Lyonin becoming a perfume is rather...morbid. I kind of like it to be honest. Would it have a forest smell or be more oceanic? If it's just rotting corpse smell I doubt you'd get any ladies, Seto.
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Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Mon Jun 21, 2021 9:16 am

Clearly it’d smell of only the finest scents of lavender abd coconut- Unless he had eaten tacos on Taco Tuesday. Then it’d smell like cheese wrapped in Burnt Leathery Bacon for some reason.

And as a rule I don’t wear cologne. I just let my natural musk seduce the ladies.
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Post by straywolf174 Mon Jun 21, 2021 9:47 am

Sounds like something a weasel might do.
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Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Mon Jun 21, 2021 5:03 pm

And you talk like something a rabid bat would say. So we better switch it up as your far more akin to a weasel then I, hun.

Damn flea-bitten-mongrel…

Lyonin:….. ‘ELLO!


Setoku: FUKS-SAKE-GETTING-OLD *Setoku totes dies*
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Post by straywolf174 Mon Jun 21, 2021 6:57 pm

A bat!? You're the leech here, not me. >.>
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Name: Sara Shinamori
Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Tue Jun 22, 2021 2:41 am

How dare thee?! Me, a leech? I’m sorry, do I look like a pack animal that stands and hunts solitude prey?!
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Post by straywolf174 Tue Jun 22, 2021 3:01 am

The more you speak the more I'm becoming convinced you know very little about the animals on earth... -.-;
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Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Wed Jun 23, 2021 12:57 am

I know plenty, wolves hunt in packs and usually only hunt solitary prey cuz they don’t wanna get effed up scraping for food. ;D Flea Bitten and scared… like you >.>

And bats aren’t leeches, they awesome with their sensory abilities and devouring of birds and insects.

I know my animals, just like I know my woman, and they all love me <.<
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Post by straywolf174 Wed Jun 23, 2021 6:18 am

Wolves hunt animals that are often bigger than them, and those animals are often separated from a herd of other of their species. They aren't solitary. If Wolves only hunted solitary animals there would never be enough food. Though it a rabbit ran by I'm sure a hungry pack would give chase - being scavengers they'll eat many things - but the main prey they go for tend to be herds of elk or other grazing animals.
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Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by straywolf174 Wed Jun 23, 2021 8:19 pm

I feel like Setoku is about to do something and whatever it is, I don't ****' like it. -_- Call it a sixth sense. A seto-sense, if you will. Like spidey sense but less insect and more vermin.
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Name: Sara Shinamori
Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Fri Jun 25, 2021 5:44 am

I didn’t say wolves were solitary, their prey usually is though. And Animals bigger than them…. Yes, when in a pack they will happily take on deer and elk once they separate from their pack.

Wolves are essentially coyotes. But less sophisticated. Where as Coyotes will hunt solo and larger prey with zero help, they are social like wolves and develop packs for heiarchy. But In terms of strength and raw power, Coyotes surpass 90% of Wolf breeds. Their are exceptions, sure, but over all without a pack, wolves are useless. When exiled from a pack they seek out the only prey they are capable of taking alone. Baby animals and only one at a time, cuz babies are scary ;(

And me? Do something? Heh, as if I’m so petty.

*discreetly connecting wire to explosive device while creating space between them by walking backwards*

I’ve never been so insulted in my life, you stray runt!!! I have been nothing but sweet and kind and helpful and this is how you repay me?!

*Once 500 feet away pushes button. Nothing happens.*

So… for such insults…

*pushes button again. Nothing.*

GOD DAMNIT

*Smashes button*

I’m out!!! So rude to the man who loved you!!
Setoku
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Post by straywolf174 Fri Jun 25, 2021 4:59 pm

Setoku wrote:I didn’t say wolves were solitary, their prey usually is though. And Animals bigger than them…. Yes, when in a pack they will happily take on deer and elk once they separate from their pack.

Wolves are essentially coyotes. But less sophisticated. Where as Coyotes will hunt solo and larger prey with zero help, they are social like wolves and develop packs for heiarchy. But In terms of strength and raw power, Coyotes surpass 90% of Wolf breeds. Their are exceptions, sure, but over all without a pack, wolves are useless. When exiled from a pack they seek out the only prey they are capable of taking alone. Baby animals and only one at a time, cuz babies are scary ;(

I will concede your point there - but we also have to keep in mind that Coyotes and Wolves live in pretty different enviroments, so they had to rely on different tactics. If both work for survival then both are viable, though to be honest the only dog I'd actually say is the apex is African Wild Dogs. They're **** beasts...still not as scary as babies but, you know. Monsters all the same.

Setoku wrote:
And me? Do something? Heh, as if I’m so petty.

*discreetly connecting wire to explosive device while creating space between them by walking backwards*

I’ve never been so insulted in my life, you stray runt!!! I have been nothing but sweet and kind and helpful and this is how you repay me?!

*Once 500 feet away pushes button. Nothing happens.*

So… for such insults…

*pushes button again. Nothing.*

GOD DAMNIT

*Smashes button*

I’m out!!! So rude to the man who loved you!!

*A delayed explosion goes off in the distance*

A Shinamori Parody [Pt. 1] ZoPmcb
straywolf174
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Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Sat Jun 26, 2021 2:49 am

The Dingo? That’s a dogs dog. I want one as a pet… id name it…. Stray Runt!

And there we go! Explosions solve everything… WHEN THEY GO OFF ON TIME
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Post by straywolf174 Sat Jun 26, 2021 6:39 am

Setoku wrote:The Dingo? That’s a dogs dog. I want one as a pet… id name it…. Stray Runt!

No, literal african wild dog. They look kinda like Hyenas.
https://www.worldwildlife.org/species/african-wild-dog
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Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
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Post by Setoku Sun Jun 27, 2021 12:09 am

….. Dingo. Any dog in the upside down land is a dingo, damnit!!! Also…. This fact:

Well, there isn't really any difference. A wild dog in Australia is defined as a dingo (Canis lupus dingo), feral domestic dog (Canis lupus familiaris) or a hybrid between the two. —— https://www.quarrylifeaward.com/project-updates/2016-07-19-wild-dog-or-dingo-whats-difference-anyway
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Post by straywolf174 Sun Jun 27, 2021 8:48 am

You hurt my brain sometimes, Flea.
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Name: Sara Shinamori
Title: Former Queen of Hueco Mundo // Former Cero Espada // Fallen Guardian of the Shinamori Clan // The stray wolf of the Desert
Race: Hollow

https://lucid-wanderlust.tumblr.com/page/2

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Post by Setoku Mon Jun 28, 2021 10:19 pm

It’s my job, mongrel. Can you imagine if o didn’t hurt peoples brains?! I’d just be another annoying know it all.
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