Tizu Youra

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Tizu Youra

Post by RainXg1n on Thu Sep 03, 2015 9:25 pm

Name: Tizu Youra
Race: Shinigami
Rank: 3rd Seat Squad 12
Squad: Squad 12
Age: 200

Description: He has short white hair and chocolate brown eyes. He wears a normal squad uniform with the left sleeve ripped off which reveals a noticeable marking he has on the left forearm which he got from experiments he did on himself. His zanpakuto is laced onto his pants to the front.

Zanpakuto: Zitaki. Command call, Reap, Zitaki. Zitaki is a long slider sickle with double blades on top of another. It's spirit form is a dark slender man with his face hidden by a hood.

Bankai: None.

Background: Tizu Youra was born within district 80 to a poor family. Every since his parents died, he has been training hard to achieve a goal which was to become a seated officer within 12th division of the 13 court guard squads. His goal was within reach after he graduated from the academy placing 2nd in his class and he was appointed the 5th seat of Squad 12.


Last edited by RainXg1n on Sun Sep 06, 2015 1:29 pm; edited 5 times in total
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RainXg1n
Human
Human

Posts : 21
Join date : 2015-09-03

Character sheet
Name: Tizu Youra
Title: 3rd Seat of Squad 12
Race: Shinigami

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by straywolf174 on Fri Sep 04, 2015 12:54 am

For starters, welcome to the roleplay board! Where your dreams...well...they become nightmares. Anyway onto the bio!

I appreciate the lack of "one liners" that some people like to try and get away with, but your lacking of editing the actual bio chart almost makes me wince a bit. Not to say you did bad on it, but you might want to rustle about in there to change slight, easily noticible things. For example, where it says "one human year equals..." that is uneeded and quite an eye sore, as it's only purpose is to help roleplayers calculate their characters beautiful information.

After having done that, please note that the zanpakuto description in this part is generally for an idea of how it looks (and if creativity is your thing, add in the spirit form!). While abilities may be added, it should be kept in mind that it's unnecessary because you will only have to add it again - and with greater detail, i would hope - in the "Zanpakuto\Ressureccion" creation slot.
I don't expect perfection, but a bit of...patch work is needed before this bio should be considered.
Thank you for your paitience.
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straywolf174
Senior Squad Member
Senior Squad Member

Posts : 475
Join date : 2011-03-06

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Name:
Title:
Race: Hollow

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by RainXg1n on Fri Sep 04, 2015 4:05 am

straywolf174 wrote:For starters, welcome to the roleplay board! Where your dreams...well...they become nightmares. Anyway onto the bio!

I appreciate the lack of "one liners" that some people like to try and get away with, but your lacking of editing the actual bio chart almost makes me wince a bit. Not to say you did bad on it, but you might want to rustle about in there to change slight, easily noticible things. For example, where it says "one human year equals..." that is uneeded and quite an eye sore, as it's only purpose is to help roleplayers calculate their characters beautiful information.

After having done that, please note that the zanpakuto description in this part is generally for an idea of how it looks (and if creativity is your thing, add in the spirit form!). While abilities may be added, it should be kept in mind that it's unnecessary because you will only have to add it again - and with greater detail, i would hope - in the "Zanpakuto\Ressureccion" creation slot.
I don't expect perfection, but a bit of...patch work is needed before this bio should be considered.
Thank you for your paitience.

I have changed the two things you have requested for now, hopefully if their is any more editing that needs to be done and I surely will get to it.
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RainXg1n
Human
Human

Posts : 21
Join date : 2015-09-03

Character sheet
Name: Tizu Youra
Title: 3rd Seat of Squad 12
Race: Shinigami

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by straywolf174 on Fri Sep 04, 2015 12:19 pm

Well done, Rain!
Except there is one slight problem. It's really easy to fix so don't fret too much about it.
Remember what i had said about the character bio set up...? You still need to erase the "extra text" in there.

For example, I'll use this potato.

straywolf174's pet potato:


Name: Fredrick Artemis Potato
Race: Vegetable
Rank: God of all foods
Squad\Fraccion: Squad Hax
Age: 16.7896453 years old

Description: Fredrick has the golden skin of a vegetable freshly grown and obviously tended too. Soon though, he will be mashed to death and digesting in straywolf174's belly!

Zan\RSE: None, he's but a kawaii potato

Backround: Grown by Stray as a small child, Fredrick was stolen while dinner was being prepared. Stray, devatstated since her hard work of growing vegetables - while lacking a green thumb - was in vain, she set out to find the theif. Fredrick himself was but a pile of peeled skins after Setoku had stolen him for training practice with eshilieth's famous throwing knives. Ever since, Fredrick has been grown again and again only to be stolen. A totem for all foods that wish to be used in combat instead of eaten!


Keep in mind i only wish for the extra text in the bio to be erased. My potato is not to be stolen!



Extra text being ~

My phone has an awful highlighter:





After that, you should be set!
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straywolf174
Senior Squad Member
Senior Squad Member

Posts : 475
Join date : 2011-03-06

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Name:
Title:
Race: Hollow

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by RainXg1n on Fri Sep 04, 2015 9:41 pm

straywolf174 wrote:Well done, Rain!
Except there is one slight problem. It's really easy to fix so don't fret too much about it.
Remember what i had said about the character bio set up...? You still need to erase the "extra text" in there.

For example, I'll use this potato.

straywolf174's pet potato:


Name: Fredrick Artemis Potato
Race: Vegetable
Rank: God of all foods
Squad\Fraccion: Squad Hax
Age: 16.7896453 years old

Description: Fredrick has the golden skin of a vegetable freshly grown and obviously tended too. Soon though, he will be mashed to death and digesting in straywolf174's belly!

Zan\RSE: None, he's but a kawaii potato

Backround: Grown by Stray as a small child, Fredrick was stolen while dinner was being prepared. Stray, devatstated since her hard work of growing vegetables - while lacking a green thumb - was in vain, she set out to find the theif. Fredrick himself was but a pile of peeled skins after Setoku had stolen him for training practice with eshilieth's famous throwing knives. Ever since, Fredrick has been grown again and again only to be stolen. A totem for all foods that wish to be used in combat instead of eaten!


Keep in mind i only wish for the extra text in the bio to be erased. My potato is not to be stolen!



Extra text being ~

My phone has an awful highlighter:





After that, you should be set!

Alright, I have edited the bio to ease up some of the extra story telling I was doing and reedited it to something more basic and simple. Hopefully this works for you, I have never been one to be very imaginative.
avatar
RainXg1n
Human
Human

Posts : 21
Join date : 2015-09-03

Character sheet
Name: Tizu Youra
Title: 3rd Seat of Squad 12
Race: Shinigami

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by Ichi Kuros on Sat Sep 05, 2015 9:54 pm

I pmed you a way to get approved. I didn't change anything about your character I just fixed the application format
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Ichi Kuros
Student
Student

Posts : 85
Join date : 2014-11-09
Age : 17
Location : Sereitei

Character sheet
Name: Ichi Kuros
Title: Prince of Dragons
Race: Shinigami

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by RainXg1n on Sun Sep 06, 2015 1:29 pm

straywolf174 wrote:Well done, Rain!
Except there is one slight problem. It's really easy to fix so don't fret too much about it.
Remember what i had said about the character bio set up...? You still need to erase the "extra text" in there.

For example, I'll use this potato.

straywolf174's pet potato:


Name: Fredrick Artemis Potato
Race: Vegetable
Rank: God of all foods
Squad\Fraccion: Squad Hax
Age: 16.7896453 years old

Description: Fredrick has the golden skin of a vegetable freshly grown and obviously tended too. Soon though, he will be mashed to death and digesting in straywolf174's belly!

Zan\RSE: None, he's but a kawaii potato

Backround: Grown by Stray as a small child, Fredrick was stolen while dinner was being prepared. Stray, devatstated since her hard work of growing vegetables - while lacking a green thumb - was in vain, she set out to find the theif. Fredrick himself was but a pile of peeled skins after Setoku had stolen him for training practice with eshilieth's famous throwing knives. Ever since, Fredrick has been grown again and again only to be stolen. A totem for all foods that wish to be used in combat instead of eaten!


Keep in mind i only wish for the extra text in the bio to be erased. My potato is not to be stolen!



Extra text being ~

My phone has an awful highlighter:





After that, you should be set!

All cleaned up and ready to rock & roll!
avatar
RainXg1n
Human
Human

Posts : 21
Join date : 2015-09-03

Character sheet
Name: Tizu Youra
Title: 3rd Seat of Squad 12
Race: Shinigami

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by Hunata on Sun Sep 06, 2015 4:31 pm

Indeed I believe he is.

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Hunata
Student
Student

Posts : 67
Join date : 2013-08-05
Age : 22
Location : Houston, Texas

Character sheet
Name: Inazuma Shiba
Title: 3rd Seat of Squad 10
Race: Shinigami

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Re: Tizu Youra

Post by straywolf174 on Mon Sep 07, 2015 2:50 am

Sorry i'm late. That pesky life and all.
Anyhow...

Approved
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straywolf174
Senior Squad Member
Senior Squad Member

Posts : 475
Join date : 2011-03-06

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Title:
Race: Hollow

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Re: Tizu Youra

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