Fanfiction bananza- Also, because I'm sure people won't read the actual warning in the description- CONTENT, FOUL LANGUAGE, AND BAD THINGS WARNING!

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Fanfiction bananza- Also, because I'm sure people won't read the actual warning in the description- CONTENT, FOUL LANGUAGE, AND BAD THINGS WARNING!

Post by Mu Setsumei Uxukie on Wed Aug 03, 2016 3:55 am

Hello, my viewers! It is I- MooMoo-Senpai! Coming to deliver you the good word!

Which is that I am creating a new segment on the Forums, dedicated to solely Fanfiction! Do you like Fanfiction? To read or write it? Well look no further, because this segment is for you! Aside from my actual Fanfiction that I make, I will be making Omake's- spin offs of my actual story that will be a longer length than my usual chapter lengths, and including you- the viewers, in it. Every. Single. Month. That's right! So if you like what you see and want to be a apart of it, then feel free to not only PM me in game if you want in, but also to post YOUR OWN fanfiction in the comments below... Or above, I've never actually bothered to find out where they were- but feel free to use them, and allow more people to read and enjoy these works of art!

And that being said, like the title implies, there will be foul language and questionable content, so viewer discretion is advised, and also, again, if you are offended in anyway, this story is solely for the purpose of entertainment, I do not believe these things as actual, factual facts, they are just made up for entertainment value, and blah, blah, blah- on with the Chapter!


“-I am a loser-.” Esin seemed taken back by what I had just said. “Excuse me?” “You heard me- your -I am a loser-, I call bull upon it.” His eye twitched. “That is not how this works here, buddy- you can’t do or say anything to change your fate.” “Well that’s just outright unfair- isn’t that against the law or something? Like, incrimination without a proper court case, or whatever?” He just stared at me like I had grown an extra head(Which, admittedly, I have done in the past… And it wasn’t an extra upper head if you were curious-).

“Of all the things you choose to learn and remember, why on EARTH is it from the American Legal System?!” “I needed to learn my rights after that one drunken night in August where Zangetsu dared me to go and steal a cow so we could then sneak into a McDonalds and make us some delicious Krabby Patty’s!” “... What, are you on-” “Life, my friend.” I breathed in a breath of air and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. “Life.” He just grit his teeth and pushed me to the floor(Ooooh, someone was getting kinky- wonder where the candle wax and medieval torture machine was, though.). “ENOUGH! Mangetsu, start up the ritual!” “What?! Oh come on, doc, I don’t get a trial or nothing? What is it- my hair color? Is it because I’m black? It’s because I’m black, isn’t it?! You racist son of a-” “The hell are you on about?! You’re paler than a newborn’s ASS!” “I meant on the inside, you conservative ass. God, so inconsiderate.” “I’ll show you inconsiderate you little piece of-” A hand on his shoulder prevented him from doing anything though.

“Aw, come on, Esin, why not just give him his little ‘Trial’ so he doesn’t have any reason to complain once this whole thing is complete?” “Mangetsu, please don’t tell me you are actually on HIS side-” “What? No- but I mean, just look at his cute little mug over- there.” I was currently sitting on the ground picking my nose with my pinky with drool escaping my mouth ever so often. “... Just give him his stupid trial-” “Alright, ALRIGHT! I’ll allow him to make a retarded case! God damn, you spoil him too much-” “Well, I mean- I AM a part of his soul.” She raised her eyebrow at him. “I am obviously going to be on his side.” “Yeah, yeah, you damn minx-” He waved her off as he looked at me. “Alright, you moron, you get a chance to make your case-” “Yay!” Suddenly the environment changed as the desert became a courtroom- witness stand, jury, and everything. “All rise for the honorable Judge Judy!” An officer in uniform that looked exactly like me said. “Ahem.” “Ah, my bad, it’s not 10 A.M. yet- all rise for the badass and incredibly good looking, Judge MooMoo-Senpai.” At this, everyone rose. “Wait, what the -I am a loser- is going on?” Esin blinked and looked down, only to see himself in handcuffs and an orange jumper. “Wait a damn moment-” "All may be seated, thank you- hey, you! Yeah, you, ugly, sit the hell down and stop making a racket!”

“Why don’t you make me, you pussy?!” An exact lookalike of the officer, sans uniform and wearing hobo garb with a bottle of whiskey in his hands said as he threw the bottle and hit the wall next to the officer. “Oh, you are so dead you little -I am a loser--” “Officer Uxukie, that will not be necessary. Mu, please either take a seat or leave the courtroom.” The hobo grumbled and begrudgingly sat down. “Thank you, now- is everyone present and accounted for?” I sat back and crossed my fingers as the officer reported everyone was. “Good, good. Now then-” “HOLD THE -I am a loser- UP! What the hell is going on?! Why am I in prison garbs, where did you get the white wig and judges uniform, and- WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO MANGETSU?!” He screamed as he pointed to my self appointed secretary. “Obviously because you are on trial, I am the judge, and the smoking hot secretary is here to take note of everything that is said here today.” I smirked and reclined back in my chair and put my feet up on the stand.

“How you doing by the way, babe? Hope everything is in- hehe, working order?” She just smirked up at me and buttoned down her already very cleavage exposing button up shirt more. “Oh, I am doing just… Fine, your Honorable Judge, sir. Though, it’s feeling a bit steamy in here, wouldn’t you agree?” She asked fanning herself and buttoning down even more of her shirt. “I don’t think it’s hot enough- OFFICER UXUKIE! Quickly, turn up the heat!” I was drooling at this point as I screamed at the officer to do something. Sadly, he was too busy looking at the tantalizing cleavage.

The pervert.

I’m the judge, I’m allowed to look at the… evidence, without being a pervert.

Yeah. Evidence.

“Oi! Stop gawking at the woman and tell me what the -I am a loser- is-” “Quiet in the court, you little meat sack! The Judge is thinking here.” “Did he just call me a-” “Meat sack, yeah. He did.” Turning to his left, Esin could see his Lawyer for the case, also a me replica, this one in a lawyer suit.

And also leaning in on the table to get a better look at the best view I have gotten all day.

“Now shut up and let the big boys talk.” Clearing his throat to get the attention of the judge(Me-), he went up to the stand. “Your honor-” “Guilty.” He turned back and sat down at the table, head down. “I tried.” “G-Guilty?! You didn’t consult the jury of my ‘supposed’ peers! Hell, I’m not even the one on TRIAL here!” “Quiet, punk! What the Judge says, goes! Plus, he did consult the jury.” The officer pointed towards where the secretary was, making Esin’s eyebrow twitch as the whole jury was standing there, with one of them having drawn a crude ‘Gulti’ across the confused womans chest. “See- gulti.” I wisely nodded my head as I banged my gavel. “Alright, on to the case of the stolen bagel, a, Warusaki vs Hitori civil suite, eh? Now how’s that for a little easter egg, ‘ey?” I winked at the camera… Thing, that recorded these sessions.

Shameless advertising gets you so far in society, kids. Remember that.

“E-NOUGH!” Seems he had enough of my -I am a loser-, because he quickly broke the illusion around us, taking us back to the desert in our original positions. “Tch. Someone’s a spoil sport.” I muttered to myself as Esin appeared in front of me and grabbed my shirt. “You wanted a -I am a loser- reason why I was doing this?! Here’s a -I am a loser- reason right HERE!” A giant television suddenly appeared next to us, and he slammed my face directly into it(Again with the aggressiveness- but yet again the candle wax was missing. Weird.). “This right here is one of the MANY god forsaken reasons I am doing this, so I hope you enjoy!” “You know, I don’t see how shoving my face into a T.V. like I was a young, impressionable 3 year old is going to prove anyth- Oh boy! Cartoons!” The T.V. suddenly turned on and a flashback was playing.

Flashback, biatches!

“Alright, alright, everyone quiet down.” I told the room as I sat at the bar, legs crossed and sipped from my mug. “I’m glad you could all make it though, because nothing brings me more joy then looking at all the accumulated bewb here today.” “-I am a loser- you, Setsumei!” “Love you too, Ora-Babe!” She just grumbled and passed out on the table she was sitting at.

She wasn’t exactly a heavyweight.

In fact, I thought I made sure the tavern didn’t sell her anything but white wine and rum balls-

Note to self: Don’t let Oracion buy Rum based products.

“Now that everyone has- SUOH, SHUT THE -I am a loser- UP! Ahem, as I was saying- now that everyone has quieted dow- SUOH! DON’T MAKE ME -I am a loser- GO OVER THERE!” “Come at me bro- I ain’t even tipsy, you’re the drunk one!” “Boy, no one talking about how drunk you are, now sit down and shut up!” “Don’t call me ‘Boy’ and tell me to shut up bro; fittin’ to go over to you and shove my fist in yo face though!” “Oh yeah? And I’m fittin’ to go over there and shove my boot up yo ass you don’t SHUT THE -I am a loser- UP!” That got his mouth shut. “Good- now then, before anyone ELSE can cut me off-” I gave a pointed look in the unconscious Oracion’s direction(She always had this habit of passing out and waking up at the most inopportune moments- like the time my shower was busted and I had to use hers after she had been out drinking with her ‘Grills’ as she calls it, and she walked in while I was getting out. Yeah- I wasn’t talking deeply for a good long while after that one.). “- I would like to say thank you all for coming once again to the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting today, and I would also like to thank the owners of this fine establishment for unwittingly being the patrons for this fine event.” I tipped my cup to the imaginary bartender in attendance as I leaned over the counter and poured myself another cup. “Now then!” Gulping down the entire liquid, I crushed the glass and wiped my mouth with my sleeve.


“In order; come on now, you all know the drill!” I of course didn’t mention the fact that they were all always drunk when I had them do it so there was no way they could remember it, but that was just more fun for me(And karrie, who was also in attendance but somehow not drunk even though she was drinking enough to down a small Indian elephant- might be some Hollow power she obtained… Or maybe it’s because alcohol doesn’t work on the insane? It would explain my sobriety too- woot! Go Insane Squad! #CrazyforCoCoaPuffs2K16!). “Alright, you’re up first big guy.” I patted the Hollow on the shoulder and told him to introduce himself to the rest of the people. He stood up shakily(Not too sure if it was from nervousness set in by the alcohol or the alcoholic effects setting in on the nervousness.) and started to introduce himself.

“H-H-Hi, m-my name is, is Zangetsu, a-and I’m an alcohol-whatever the -I am a loser- I need to say.” He spoke in a deep guttural growl that seemed very impaired by alcohol(The more it gets impaired, the more blackmail I get kids- very simplistic math here.). “Hi Zangetsu.” Everyone muttered as he waved awkwardly at them- aw, he’s shy.

That’s so creepy.

“You can sit now, Zangetsu.” He did. “Now tell me- why are you an alcoholic?” I did the pose every successful therapist did(Or at least the ones on T.V.- and let’s face it, those are the only ones that matter. You know, the ones that deal with situationally created drama for patients that probably have never even broken a nail in society before- those types of therapists.) as he sat(More like crashed-) into his seat. “I-I don’t know why, it’s just, like, sort of an impulse at this point!” He rested his head in his hands. “For everyone I ever killed, I always took a drink- ‘Bah, one more kill won’t hurt!’ I always said, well look at me now!” He motioned to his waist. “I lost my girlish figure because of these- these stupid bottles!” He shot a cero from his horns, incinerating one of the lower ranked Hollow’s there. “God damn it- then there’s these god damn accidental discharges that have been happening ever since I brought that one blonde girl home- I mean really!” He grabbed a beer from the cooler and chugged it down. “Gah, it happened again! My girlish figure- lost forever!” He howled as he started to sob into his hands. I patted him on the back sympathetically. “There there, Zangetsu- everyone has these troubles from time to time, it’s natural.” He looked up at me with hope. “R-Really?” “Pffft, hell no- alright, on to our next guest! Uhhhhh- you!” I pointed at a girl across from me. “Your turn, introduce yourself to the class!” She stood up wobbly.

“Hi- namesh Overra.” “Hi Overra-” “WOO! GO VERRA-CHAN!” I facepalmed. “Yuji, sit back down, your girl can introduce herself.” “LOVE YOU BABY-” “Alright, that’s it- NURSE! ANAESTHETIC!” The nurse just so happened to be karrie in a bloody nurses uniform, and the anaesthetic was a giant mallet to the face. “Thank you Nurse.” “No problem- now pay up.” Yeah, for every person she knocks out, I had to pay her in fortune cookies- which was total BS because she basically got a 2 for one deal out of that; knocking people out AND getting cookies?

Total rip off. She’s just lucky she’s cute-

“Okay, back to the questions- why are you here today, Overra?” ‘Well-” She hiccupped. “I didn’t really want to be here, but my boyfriend- who is tots hot by the way- wanted me to come for whatever reason!” She chirped happily as she grabbed a giant mug from nowhere and chugged its contents, releasing a burp once she was finished. “Uh huh. And are you sure that is the only reason you are here…?” “Yep!” “Well okay then.” Hey, who am I to judge if someone thinks they don’t have any problems? Okay, let me rephrase that- who am I to argue OUTSIDE my thoughts if someone didn’t think they had a problem? Retarded, that’s who. “Alright, who’s ne-” “OH! OH! Pick me!” “God damn it, Suoh, you know that you doing that never makes me pick you next!” “No, the next thing I always do after that thing always makes you pick me next-” “NO! No! Just- Just stand up and introduce yourself.”

One thing about a drunk Suoh you never want to underestimate- his inability to feel humility.

Or his ability to shove Mexican food down his gullet- never again, I promised myself.

He stood up, looked down at himself and adjusted his outfit while brushing away imaginary dust(Seriously, he always acts like a 5 year old going to school for the first time every time he does this.). “Hi- I’m Suoh, and, and, I like puppies, kittens, not unicorns though, because they are always little BITCHES every time I try to pet them-” I never saw that fresh recruit ever again after Suoh saw his release.

I do not envy him.

“And, I also like, um, hey Setsumei, what else do I like-” ”Men.” “Oh! Right right, men-” Payback for making me find a new establishment to hold this after his little fiasco- “And, um, yeah, I guess that’s about it. Puppies, kittens, and men! And lots of each of them, too- like, I want to choke on these things I have so much of them!” I had to stifle a snort at that.

The blackmail just wrote itself when it came to Suoh being drunk.

“Okay, that’s enough about men- now why don’t you tell us why you are here?” I slipped him a piece of paper and brought out a recording device. “Why did you-” “Why don’t you read off that little slip of paper, Suoh?” He blinked owlishly and nodded his head. “Um ,okay- ahem, ‘I, Suho, the hoiest of the ho’s, came to this AA meeting because I was told that there would be men- lots, and lots, of men. And seeing as how I lo-’ Okay, wait, why am I reading this again?” He asked me confused as I stopped the recording. “Ah- research. Anyway, I think that’s enough for now, Suoh, why don’t you pick out one of your friends to go next?” “Anyone?” He asked me, trying to be sly about it. “No, Suoh, you can’t pick little Suho.” “Ah dang it! Then, um, uh, I pick, oh this is a toughy-” I leaned in and whispered into his ear. “How about Sonoran, Suoh.” “Oh yeah- I pick Sonoran!” Yep.

So easy to trick drunk Suoh.

“Alright, Sonoran! You’re up buddy!” I gestured for him to stand up, and he did, slouched from drinking. “Hi, my name is Sonoran-” “Wait wait wait- I thought your name was Tsuna?” “Tsuna? What? I thought it Nightwing!” Nightwing? Don’t be absurd! It was sanji-” “Sanji? Wasn’t it Deadpool though?” “Pfft, get with the program you nerds, it’s obviously Spiderman! I mean- look at his costume, he looks exactly like him!” For the record, the guy was too drunk to see 2 feet in front of him, as Sonoran was wearing a high tech jumpsuit.

That was blue.

“I’m taking it you drink because of identity crisis, Zero-X?” He started to tear up. “Um, sorry, I meant Sonoran.” He just started crying and ran out of the joint. “Tch. Cry baby.” The Kool Kids Klub didn’t need people like him-


At least that’s what I assumed the giant ‘KKK’ banner outside on the wall stood for.

“Okay, so who is up next?” I muttered to myself, tapping my chin and looking around to see my next vict- patient. Yeah. “Okay, how about you, Cextra?” He stood up grumpily. “My name’s Cextra. And you can all -I am a loser- off.” “Hi Cextra and you can all -I am a loser- off.” We had quite a few smart asses here with us today. “So Cextra, why are you here today?” “Oh please, don’t act like you don’t know why!” “Well, I’m not really acting-” Lies, but continuing on. “YOU’RE the reason I’m here, damn it! After your little stint of playing with me, my bosses demoted me! And now I just wallow in misery every, single, DAY! Of my life since that horrid, wretched, day-” “Yeah, yeah. We all have problems kid, you’re’s is just the tip of the iceberg-”

“Yeah!” karrie apparently decided to jump on in the conversation. Literally- she jumped on Cextra and pushed him further into the chair. “Why just earlier, I chipped a nail smashing some retards face in!” He looked at both of her hands. “But your nails are fi-” Mallet to the face. “By earlier, I meant about 4 seconds earlier. From now.” She giggled and went back to her seat, holding her hand out. “God damn woman’s bleeding me dry-” I told myself as I reached into my pocket and pulled out a cookie to give her.

“Alright, how about you next, Kol?” He stood up, rain cloud over his head. “Hi, I’m Kol.” “Hi Kol.” “Okay Kol, why are you here today?” I asked him. “I drink, because I like to think that I speak for the trees- I mean, they don’t have a voice of their own, and someone has to speak up against the injustices that everyone is doing against them! But- But no one listens.” He lowered his head. “Hm. That’s a shame, I feel like you could really help those tree’s out.” He looked up at me with hope. “Really?” I smirked as I sipped from my new cup with a little umbrella in it. “Totally.” His eye twitched. “Is- Is that a tiny umbrella in your drink?” I looked at it. “What, this? Yeah- it’s some cool hoomahn thing that they put in drinks that act like little toothpicks, see?” I demonstrated by pulling it out and cleaning my teeth with the end causing him to turn green a bit. “Ah, that got the food between my teeth I’ve been trying to get out for DAYS!” I said before breaking it in half, causing him to pale and faint in his seat.

God, I love this job.

“Up next, hmmmm, how about- you?” Again pointing at a random person, I made him stand up. “Hey- I’m Inazuma.” “Hi Inazuma.” Telling him to stand down, I asked him the same question I asked everyone so far. “It’s, it’s like the only thing that sets me apart from everyone else, man!” His eyes were wide and he was looking far out at something that more than likely wasn’t there as me and karrie tried to see what the -I am a loser- it was he was staring at. “Um, okay, that’s nice and all, but, uh, what do you mean by that?” “Everyone just thinks I’m some sort of, of mutt-” He spat that word out at the end. “They think I’m not some human, just some kind of dog!” He smashed his hand against the table and used the other one to down a drink. “Aw, I’m sure those morons don’t know what they're talking about.” I smirked and subtly glanced at karrie.

Payback time for all my cookies.

“Hey, karrie, take this to the dumpster will ya? I need to console my, ah, patient here more.” She just nodded, grabbed the bag I gave to her, and bounded off to the dumpster to throw the thing away(And also probably burn it in the process-). “Psst, hey, Inazuma.” I got his attention and pointed at the bag. “You know what’s in that bag, right?” He just drunkenly shook his head ‘no’. “What?! I thought you knew that the bag had a brand spanking new big red rubber squeaky ball in there!” His eyes widened as he leapt from his seat and ran at karrie with hunger in his eyes as he knocked her down and basically started humping her leg as he tried to get the bag from her.

I almost felt bad.

“Down, you bad puppy!” “AWROOO!”

For the dog, anyway.

“Andreza, you’re up.” “Okay, okay- yo, names Andreza Oltrain.” “Hi Andreza.” “So tell us, Andreza, why are you here today?” He sat down sloppily and took a drink. “Because I’m a nobody that has literally nothing better to do with his life for about 3 hours today.” “Ah. So a debbie downer, areyou? Well, I got just the right fix for you!” I grinned and pulled out a couple boxes of Little Debbies Nutter Butter’s. “Pucker up.” “Wait, no, I’m alergic to peanuts!”

That didn’t stop me from stuffing his mouth hole full of them until his eyes watered and he couldn’t breath.

“Next victim up to bat is, hmmmm- you, Carn-Kun!” He looked up as if startled. “M-Me?” “Yes, you- now stand up and claim your prize!” He looked confused. “We’re getting prizes?” “No. But stand up anyway and introduce yourself!” He did so.

Without his release active, he was actually able to speak, which only made this that much funner!

For me.

“H-Hi, name’s Carnage, used to be Jwash, but, you know- changed it.” He chuckled nervously as everyone greeted him. “Okay, now tell us, dear Carn-Kun, why are you here today.” I have been in this position for a long time- I think I might freeze like this if I keep it up. “Well, you know, I just wanted to hang out with the crowd, be around the cool people, hopefully make some new friends-” “Okay, let me stop you right there Jim.” “Um, my name isn’t-” “Being peer pressured into things is even worse than being a debbie downer. Do you know what we do to those worse than debbie downers here?” He looked around trying to figure it out. “Um, no-” I suddenly appeared behind him and grabbed his head, tilted it down, and talked to karrie. “Nurse, you know what to do.” “Yes Doctor person sir.” The nurse randomly appeared from nowhere(Even I don’t know how she does that-) with a case of the hardest liquor known to hollow kind.

“I-Is that Soul Wrenching Moon-Blast?” Weird name for the drink, but even a bottle of the stuff can make the heaviest of weight Hollow drinkers hit the floor.

And we were going to feed him an entire case of the stuff.

I reiterate; I love my job.

“Chug, chug, chug!” Everyone around us was chanting as I held him down and the nurse force fed him the stuff. I’m not sure when, but at some point during this escapade he passed out, so the stuff went down his throat much easier than before. “And- time!” I threw him back at his chair as the last of the bottles were emptied. “Alright, back to your seats everyone, I need to pick who’s next.” Everyone grumbled and sat back down, not pleased that they didn’t see anyone die.

To be perfectly honest, I was mad too.

“Heh heh- okay, who’s the next one up!” I asked myself while rubbing my hands together. “How about, you! Mr. Grumpy over there?” He glared at me and stood up. “Afro.” And then sat down.

Not much for words, that one.

“Okay then, Afro, why are you here today?’ He just drank from his cup. “Free booze.” Ah, I was waiting for that response to come up tonight. “Free booze? What are you talking about- all of this booze is going on your tabs!” At that, everyone froze or spat out their drinks.

“WHAT?!”

Music to my ears.

“Yep. You heard right- while the therapy sessions-” If you could call it that(They were more therapeutic to me then anyone, really-). “Are free, the booze, is not, however.” Now no one liked that, but they were kind of drunk and off their rocker’s, so they didn’t exactly have any other thing to do but to either pay up or stay behind.

A lot of the people were able to just pay off the debt(We had a fair amount of the upper class here today- me now being included into that category if my bulging wallet was any indication.), some were not so lucky.

“Hm, let’s see; we have Overra, Kurono, Oftendistracted, Kayo, Delta- how are you here? You’re a Captain?” I looked over to him. He was a short guy, about 5’6, short red hair in singular locks, wearing a tuxedo under some shoulder pads, gauntlets, shin guards, and boots. “I may or may not have squandered away all my Squads budget buying thing from that human shopping channel.” He told me, slurping from a cup shaped like a holy chalice that had a silly straw made of gold attached, a pair of ‘2009’ light up glasses on his face, and also wearing useless assortments of jewelry everywhere, looking like some kind of spoiled Prince.

“... Right, anyway- we also have Tsuna, wait, where the hell did he run off to?” I scratched my head still looking at the clipboard.

Where would I find someone with identity issues?

Bah, you don’t need to think when you literally have a small group who are in your debt to do everything you don’t want to!

“And then last, but not least- karrie.” “Wuh?” She looked up from her cookie with wide eyes. “Yeah, your drinks weren’t free either- and you actually somehow drank more than all of these schmucks combined.” I pointed back at the group that were either sleeping standing up, or drinking more booze. “But- But, how could you try to bill such a nice and innocent little girl?” She looked up at me, eyes watering. “That wouldn’t have worked even if you were an innocent little girl- now get in line.” She just pouted and went to the back of the line.

“Okay!” I clapped my hands together. “You are now indebted towards to me, congratulations!” Confetti and balloons popped out from behind me, startling their impaired senses. “You all now have to work off your debt, we’ll start off by searching for the OTHER person that needs to pay up to me! Any questions, good, let’s go!” With that I marched off into the night, a group of drunk(Or hungover in one case- Delta apparently passed out at the beginning of the damn thing because he decided to keg it up straight off the bat.) Spirits in tow.

“Okay, if I was a Tuna-” “Tsuna.” “Right, right, if I was a fish thing, where would I go?” I pondered as we made our way across the city. “Um, an aquarium?” “No, that’s too fishy.” “Sushi bar?” “No, that’s too Asian.” “Well, how about a bonfire- that involves half the city burning to the ground?” “No, karrie, that’s where you would be. Okay come on, now, people- think for a minute!” Not the best thing to get drunk people to attempt. “Where could he be?!” They all looked at each other. “What about another bar?” Hm. That one was actually plausible. “Okay! To the nearest bar!”

“I don’t think Delta meant a gay one when he mentioned the idea.” Overra slurred as we stood outside ‘The Reverse Cowboy’. “Nonsense, this is a bar, and I am sure a fine establishment! That being said, karrie, you go in to find him.” She just looked at me. “Why me?” “Duh, because cowboys have guns, and where guns are, there isn’t fire too far behind-” She couldn’t have gotten through those doors any faster if she tried.

“Huh. Wonder what’s taking her so long?” I wondered as I looked at my watch. “It’s been over half an hour, and I’m running out of booze to sate these guys- ah, there she is. So, did you find hi- why are covered in G-strings?” I asked her as she walked out, staring straight ahead, not caring for the dozen or so things hanging off her shoulders and head. “No. But I did learn what a lap dance is.” “Huh, really? Well that’s gre-” “Never again.” Well okay then.

“Well, he wasn’t in the bar, so I don’t know where he could be. Any other ideas?” They all scrunched up their faces to try and figure out where he was. “Um, what about the park?” Oftendistracted asked, more then said, as I pondered that idea. “Well, not like we have any other reliable leads- screw it, let’s go.” Quickly as we could(Not very fast when everyone kept stumbling over each other-) we made our way to the park.

“Hm. Well, I feel Reishi activity, so that’s a good sign he’s there. Or at least someone that does know where he is is there.” I muttered as we entered the field/park. “Hello? Anyone here?” I asked into the field, my small army drunkenly following me through it.

“Well, well, well. Look at what we have here, boys- a couple of morons who came into the wrong place at the best of times- for us, at least.” Glancing over at the swings, I saw 3 finely dressed gentlemen, one with blonde hair and a small beard, another with black hair, and the last with brown hair. “Howdy, there, neighbors! I’ve been going around all night, and I just can’t seem to be able to find this person I was looking for, would you happen to know where he is?” I asked them as I approached the swing set. “We probably have- and we also probably killed him like we are gonna do to you all now!” They grinned and summoned Quincy bows, all blue in color. “Ah, hell. It’s always the Quincy’s-” I muttered as I dodged three sets of arrows and landed near my group.

“Alright, Delta and karrie, you’re on me, we’re gonna squash Queery, Gaybo, and Sir Faggio over there. The rest of you stay back, and don’t interfere unless either Delta or karrie are about to die.” “What about you?” I looked back at Overra. “I’m the main character- I can’t die, you dunce. Now move out! We got some Nazi Douchebags to kick the living ass of!” I yelled as everyone got into position. Soon enough, the three douchebags approached where we were standing side by side.

“Okay, I’ll take sir faggio, while you two decide who gets the retard brothers.” I told them as them and their opponents split up. “So- wanna watch as your brethren get their faces stomped by my posse?” He just smirked and flipped his hair. “Oh, I’ll watch alright- but it won’t be us that are going down.”

“Alright, time for some bloodshed!”

“I apologize, girly, but I am afraid I am going to have to kill you.” Yeah- I’d love to see you try, meat bag. “But I will, however, divulge your executioner today- I am Blöd, of the Eigenartig brothers, and my specialty-” He didn’t get to finish before karrie appeared before him and slashed at his head.

“-Is the Quincy speed technique, Hirenkyaku.” He finished as the him in front of karrie vanished and he reappeared behind her, causing her eyes to widen. “Now kindly die.” He shot an arrow right behind into karries back. “You don’t burn enough, has anyone ever told you that?” Now it was his turn to be surprised as she vanished and appeared a good distance away from him. “Hmph. I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to be on par with my current speed, but the kiddy gloves come off now!” He yelled as he formed his Heilig Bogen in his hands.

It wasn’t anything fancy- just looked like a regular hunting bow with a few grooves etched into the sides.

“This- is my Quincy pride, Hollow scum. Gaze upon it in fear, wonder, hell, even lust, but none of that will change your fa-” “Shut the -I am a loser- up and fight already- I want to see some blood before I grow a beard, damn it!” His eyebrow twitched. “Whatever!” He started throwing arrows non-stop towards karrie who just nonchalantly dodged them all. “Ha- I see I have you on the run! Well you should be worried, Hollow, as my brother is even BETTER at firing arrows than me-” He was getting cut off quite a bit lately as karrie appeared behind him and slammed his face into the ground. “No talk, you burn now.” She stated simply as she grabbed him by the collar and held him up, her other hand lighting up in flames. “Burny burny.” And then there was a massive explosion- though not of fire.

“Tch, I can’t believe I had to release my limiters against such a lowly creature, but at least she won’t be a problem anymore.” He spat as he looked down in the crater he created. “Why. Don’t. You. BURN?!” karrie leapt up from the crater and punched the douche in the face, making him spin into the air.

She should have aimed lower.

“Die, die, DIE!” She under him and kept punching him in the stomach, before drop kicking him into the ground. But unluckily(For me-) he caught himself before he hit the ground, and grit his teeth. “I should say the same to you!” He took out a Gintō and opened it. “Wolke!” With the use of Reiryoku, he cushioned his fall. “Now try not to blink, because you might miss this next attack.” He smirked as he vanished again, this time appearing next to karrie in the air, seeming to throw more Heilig Pfeil at her before she shot a Bala at him, but then disappeared again before it could hit him, reappearing at another spot, and doing the same thing three more times as they played cat and mouse, but she didn’t apparently see the fact he left dozens of arrows every time he went to another spot.

“Oh, this is gonna hurt.” I said as I munched on some more popcorn.

“So, feeling pretty accomplished, eh?” He asked her as she surrounded him in pillars of fire. “Yep.” She said simply before she clasped her hands together and sent the pillars to fry him, only for him to smirk. “Nachbild Sperrfeuer.” And then the arrows went and made swiss cheese out of her.

“Yep- that had to hurt.” I said as I ate more popcorn and switched my view to the other fight.

“Hello! I am Trottel of the Eigenartig brothers, and I am most efficient with my Gintō. What is your name?” Delta just sipped from his cup. “Delta.” “Delta! The name of a worthy foe! Well then, now that the introductions are over with, engarde!” He said as he pulled out a Gintō and used it to make a FREAKING LIGHTSABER?!

Why do the Nazi Douchebags get all the cool stuff?!

Delta stopped sipping from his cup and sighed. “Do I have to?” “You’re on the clock for my debt, you little -I am a loser-, so hell yeah you’ll go against the Nazi version of a Jedi!” He just sighed again. “Damn.” And pulled out his sword.

Yeah, he better put in effort when he’s working for me.

“I wonder if I remembered to pay the life insurance this month-” Delta talked to himself as he crossed blades with the Quincy equivalent of a Jedi. “Probably not.” “You should really pay attention when you are fighting someone of my calibur, Taicho-Dono.” The Quincy revealed as he pulled out another bottle of energy to go. “Change the effervescent sun rays on the world - Strudel!” He flipped the bottle in the air, causing it’s contents to fly everywhere and expand, creating a makeshift whirlpool made of Reiryoku that was slowly swallowing Delta in its depths.

“Wishing I had paid the bills now!” Delta yelled as he was swallowed by the spell. “Well, it seems my spell casting was just too-” He was cut off when his spell was cut in half, revealing an enraged Delta without his glasses. “You PUNK! Those glasses cost more than your god damn HOUSE!” He yelled as he landed a punch square across his opponents face. “And don’t even get me STARTED on the chalice! That thing was made from an entire tenth of the human worlds gold!” He growled as he shunpoed to where his enemy had landed.

“And they say I’m the crae-crae one.” I said rolling my eyes. “Oi, I didn’t tell you to stop.” I ordered Oftendistracted as he went back to giving me a massage. “Oh yeah- get those crinks out of my neck, that’s where most of my tension against the world is held.”

“This is for the glasses-” Delta said as he held the Quincy against the ground and punched his face. “This is for the chalice-” He said again, punching his face harder. “And THIS is for my god, damn, SILLY STRAW!” He yelled as he attempted to break his skull, but missed as the Quincy got out of the hold at the last moment. “Well, that hurt-” He brushed himself off and pulled another bottle out. “A silver rod strikes the five-fingered stone bed - Gritz!” He threw the bottle at Delta, still on the ground, and it expanded into a five frame barrier of sorts, enclosing him in it’s space. “Oi- anyone home?” Delta knocked on the inside of the barrier. “Guess not.” Yeah, no one was home alright-

At least in his head they weren’t.

“Oh, I’m not done yet, Shinigami.” The prick said as he pulled out- okay, time out, where the hell was he getting these things? He doesn’t have any boobs to pull things out of, so I’m just going to assume he sticks these up his bum and pulls it out in the middle of battles not only for convenience, but for a sick pleasure as well.

Laugh all you want, you don’t know Quincy’s as well as I do.

They’d stick an arrow up their ass if it meant they could stuff more ‘Quincy Pride’ inside their bodies-

“Feel the mind slip as the body grows weary from the arduous day - Angemessen!” He aimed and threw the bottle perfectly right between the small glory hole in the front of the barrier, causing a transparent shield to enclose around the already strong barrier. “Our battle was short, but memorable, my Shinigami foe. But it is done.” He said, walking back towards where me and his brother were watching the fight. “It’s cute that you think this is- what?!” Delta apparently found out about the other spell that was trapping him inside the barrier.

Angemessen was a Quincy spell, often used in conjunction with other Gintō barrier spells(Such as Gritz.) that used both a Hollow’s and Shinigami’s own molecular structure against them. It absorbed Reishi, reiryoku, Reiatsu, and the like that is trapped inside the shield to power up it’s own binding capabilities, and considering Shinigami were, in essence, Reiryoku constructs, and their attacks used Reiatsu, well-

He was -I am a loser-.

And if that wasn’t enough, my other crew member was thrown to the floor, battered and beaten with arrows sticking out everywhere, right next to the damn thing that beat my OTHER posse member.

“... So… Trade ya posse members?” I asked as I looked at the empty spot next to me.

Of course not.

“Okay, how about we skip the whole ‘We are gonna rip out your testicles, then take out your eyes and place them where your eyes used to be, then do the same with your eyeballs and your nuts’ thing, and just get to the part where I shove an even bigger pole up your asses than the current ones that are in there, yeah?” I told them as I stood in front of the 2 worst posse members-ever, and blocked them from the 3 Quincy’s view. “I would love to see you try- Trottel, Blöd, kill him!” The blonde one ordered his brothers as the one who probably frequently had premature ejaculation problems used his speed technique to get further from me as the other prepared some Gintō and threw them into the sky. “Heizen!” The four bottles contents converged and formed a rectangular prism of sorts that came spiraling at me.

“Wonder what I’m going to get for breakfast?” I muttered to myself as the spell came closer to me. “Hm. There is that leftover pizza from last night, but I’m not sure if it’ll be there when I get back.” “Um, Setsumei-” “That’s not what I told you to call me when you address me, whelp.” “Ugh, do I really have to say that?” “What’s that noise- it’s almost as if someone is trying to get my attention so he doesn’t get completely obliterated by the attack hurdling straight for him if I were to just step aside-” “Alright, alright, fine!” I heard him take a breath. “Please, almighty and knowing Boss-KunSenpaiKoiSamaDonoSenseiSan, save me from the big bad scary Quincy men that are trying to violate my young, innocent body-” “... The -I am a loser- was that last part-” “JUST SAVE ME, GODDAMN IT!” Yeesh-

Some people are so rude.

Without even looking in it’s direction, I pointed my finger towards the attack. “Purga de todo el Mundo.” Creating a thin orange beam, it shot forward, completely obliterating the spell coming at me. “What?!” The quincy wondered out loud as he dodged the beam by sidestepping it.

Big mistake.

“Boom, baby!” I said as my beam struck the floor next to the Quincy, causing a massive explosion that pretty much -I am a loser- up the park we were fighting in, all but annihilating the Quincy’s existence from the world. “That’s Gaybo down- just Queery and Sir Faggio left to go!” I cracked my neck to the side, thus dodging the arrow aimed at my head by centimeters. “He sure does seem to want to die too, apparently.”

He seemed rather mad that I had killed his brother, though, as he was just about foaming from the mouth as he appeared about a hundred feet in front of me, directly across the crater I had created with my last attack. “You know, you keep that face up, it’ll freeze like that-” Cue dodging dozens of arrows. “Man, all I’m trying to do is look out for ya, buddy, and you gotta play me like that?” I appeared next to him and leaned on his shoulder with my arm. “Just to let you know though, so you don’t make that mistake again in the 5 minutes you have left to live- homie don’t play that game.” I grinned maliciously as his eyes widened and he vanished to the end of the crater I was just at. “You- You damn Hollow scum! DIE!” He said as he used the same technique he used against karrie to appear and disappear everywhere while leaving arrows behind that would go off after a set time, only this time the scale was much larger than the previous one.

Too bad I wouldn’t have fallen for that even if I hadn’t seen it before.

“Sorry, Queery, ain’t happenin’- because HOMIE DON’T PLAY THAT! La Ira de Conquistador!” I yelled as I inhaled, then exhaled as the arrows came at me, causing them to slow and eventually stop as the air around me hit subzero temperatures. “What did you-” “I’m just chill like that, dawg.” I told him as I appeared behind him in his hiding spot in one of the few trees left, and slammed him into the thing. “Hey, you know what’s pale, has a ten foot stick up it’s ass, and annoys the -I am a loser- out of me?” I didn’t give him time to reply as black mist started to pour from my mouth. “You- alive or dead!” I grinned as I opened his mouth and placed mine near his. “No homo- Estrangulador Nocivo.” I whispered to him as mist went into his mouth and nose, entering his system. “Well, this sure has been a swell time, but, you know- bitches to go, places to -I am a loser-, etc, etc.” I told him as he started to bleed from all of his orifices(Well, I’m guessing all of them- no way I was dropping his pants to check.), even his eyes as he clawed at his throat. “To be perfectly honest, I know how poisonous our Reiatsu is to you- which is why I’m shocked you’re still alive. Hm.” I pondered as he fell to the floor, slowly dieing.

“Well, I’m anything if not merciful, so I’ll just end your suffering here.” I told him as I lifted him off the ground, made him stand, and started to dust him off as if I was sending him off to school for the first time. “You Be good… Wherever it is you people go, when you die-” I told him as if he was a small child, and then forced him onto all fours before punting him into the air above the crater.

“Four!” I yelled as I shot a minute amount of Reiasu at his flying form, causing it to explode upon impact with him. “I am totally unsure if I used that phrase correctly… Or even if I spelled it right.” I stood next to the crater again, sipping from the gold chalice and silly straw that used to belong to Delta(Hey, he’s in my debt- anything he owns is basically mine at this point.). “And then there was one.” I muttered as I looked over to where the rest of my rag tag group was trying to get Delta out of his improvised glory hole session.

Shame the hole was plugged up already- that would have made for a fantastic joke.

Or a great way to get my dick chopped off- either or.

“Alright, get these karrie of here while me and Hobo-San here deal with Faggio.” I told them all as I touched the second spell holding him prisoner, and overloaded it with my own Reiatsu. “Wait, how are you going to get me ou-” I cut him off by breaking the first spell by literally punching it, causing it to crumble apart.

And also caused him to be sent flying back as I had punched straight through the thing to punch him in the face. I can easily claim that was a mistake though, as I didn’t ‘know’ where his head could possibly be at in there.

Totally.

“Alright, Delta, come here.” I told him after he cleaned up his bloody nose. “You are going to distract him, while I charge up an attack to finish him, got it?” I asked him as he nodded hesitantly. “Can’t you just go ape -I am a loser- on his butt so I don’t have to become swiss cheese like ka-” “I don’t remember giving you permission to speak.” I glared at him. “But-” “Ah!” He just stared at me, sighed, and walked off to handle the third Quincy.

“Okay, time to get my ultimate attack rea-” A ring cut my train of thought off as I checked to see who it was. “Oh my gawd- it’s Leshawnda!” I gasped as I clicked talk. “Hey Gurlfriend, how’s it been going?” “Um, Boss-man, I could use some help he-” “Shut up! I’m busy here!” I told him as he continued to dodge more arrows. “Sorry about that, just some prick- so, how have you and Tyrone been?” I waggled my eyebrows as Delta screamed and ran away from a storm of arrows. “Wait, he did WHAT?! Oh, that is SO not kosher, hun. What should you do? Gurl, you gotta go up to his ass-” “Oh dear god, not my ass! Anything but the- AH! THE FACE!” “You tell him straight up that you ain’t takin’ his -I am a loser--” “Oh god, I can’t feel my legs- I can’t feel anything, now that I think about it.” “And then you tell him to either skip out on the late night booty calls or you is kicking his ass oughta your house!” “Help- me.” Delta said as he crawled over to me and shook my pants leg. “Ugh- hang on, I’ll call you back, sugar tits.” I told her as I hung up the phone. “What is so important that you interrupted my phone call?” “I- tag, out. So, many arrows- so, much, defiling.” He passed out at that point, looking no better than karrie did. “Kids these days- no respect.” I shook my head and threw him out onto the sidewalk outside the park as I went to the crater in the middle of the park.

“Alright, so how are we going to do this?” I asked to the seemingly empty park as I attempted to find the Lsmjudoka wanna-be the lazy way(As in, not wasting effort in using a Pesquisa to find the trash.).

Seriously- his beard comes nowhere close to the magnificence of what is on that man's face.

Hell, it is so magnificent I remember making that card about it in Cards Against Humanity.

… It was an awkward game that round.

Still won it though.

“It would appear my incompetent brothers couldn’t even finish a lowly Hollow like you.” “To be fair, they did kind of beat my posse… No matter how weak they were-” I muttered to myself as I turned to face him. “It seems I shall be your opponent, and subsequent killer here, Hollow.” He said as he summoned his bow.

This one was a little more intricate than his brother’s, with it seeming to be some sort of pentagonal shooting point, with 2 arrows tipping up and down towards him to make it seem like a complete bow.

“Yeah, better men than you… In fact, I’m fairly sure every man other than you has tried.” I told him as I crouched and prepared to rush him. “I suppose introductions are in order- Verzögern, of the late Eigenartig, it would seem.” “Person who doesn’t care- we done now? Good!” I yelled as I rushed at him. “It would seem stupid to tell you what my specialty is, but somehow I know you either won’t listen to it or won’t actually have the brainpower to figure out a counter, so, my specialty-” I had to stop my advance as over a hundred arrows came speeding a me. “-Is my Heilig Pfeil.” He smugly stated as I backed up, ducking and weaving to avoid the arrows.

“Of course I get the guy who specializes in sharp, pointy things!” I yelled as I had to once more dodge the arrows. “It would be easier for you to just give up and die- I can fire over one hundred of these in an instant.” He said as he aimed an arrow stronger than the others right at my head, which was sent flying and hit it’s target and made my head reel backward..

“Oley.” I said as I moved my head back, showing I had caught it in between my teeth. “What?! I packed too much Reishi into that arrow for you to have been able to simply catch it in between your teeth!” He hissed as I took the arrow out of my mouth and started picking my teeth with it. “Newsflash- you could put all your Reiatsu into an arrow, and it would still barely be able to prick my most vulnerable spot- which is ironically my prick.” I told him as I took a bite out of the thing in my hand. “Huh- tastes like dead plants and soot.” He boiled in rage as he sent more arrows at me. “Hm. That tickled, huh, barely even felt that one- oh, wait, I think that last one scuffed up my shoe.” He just kept shooting more and more at me, slowly losing his aim as they bounced off my Hierro. “Look, buddy, pal; your arrows are no match for my amazing abs and steel pecs- I mean, I can cut diamond with these things if I made it into a -I am a loser- knife!” I told him as I lifted up my hand. “But this whole, ‘Let you take your stab at me’ thing has gone on long enough, I think, so, au revoir, bitch ass!” I shouted at him as I sent out a small Cero(I didn’t want anymore property damage then what I am sure I will have to pay for right now-) to obliterate him-

Which would have happened had he not used some bull -I am a loser- to literally dissipate my attack.

“Oh come on- what kind of bull -I am a loser- is that?” I asked as I dodged the arrow that shattered my attack. “Sadly for you, even if I can’t damage you, you yourself cannot attack me, so we are at an impasse.” He smirked.

Okay, -I am a loser- money- becoming poor again will be worth it to -I am a loser- wipe that smirk off his face!

“Okay, you little -I am a loser-- shatter, THIS!” I threw a bigger Cero at him this time, but he was still able to dissipate it with his arrow. “The -I am a loser- bull is that?!” I screamed as I sent more Cero’s at him, only for them all to be shattered. “You are so dead you little-” I was cut off when an arrow whizzed past my face and cut my cheek.

… Wait, cut my cheek-

“-I am a loser-!” I yelled as I dodged the arrows that were thrown at me. Now that I think about it, too, those stupid things were a darker color then they were before. But that made no sense, unless- “Oi, -I am a loser--” I said as I dodged more arrows. “You wouldnt happen to be one of those Gemischt Quincy’s I’ve heard about, right? And if you were, one of your parents wouldn’t have happened to have been attacked by, say, oh, a Hollow, would they?” His sneer was all the answer I needed.

Son of a bitch! He wasn’t as affected by Hollow Reiasu as regular Quincy’s, AND he could take my -I am a loser- leftover residual energy to power up his shots enough to hurt me!

This was turning out to be more of an effort than it was worth-

“Okay then- two can play this retarded game of archery!” I told him as I stopped behind a tree and prepared my next attack while he rained down upon the tree. “This is -I am a loser- -I am a loser- that I have to put effort into this battle.” I muttered to myself as I moved my hands across the air once, then did it again lower than the first time, then again, this time higher than the first time, creating a sickly yellow Reishi billowing in front of me. “Time for an orchestra.” I cracked my neck as the tree finally couldn’t take anymore punishment and fell from the Quincy’s onslaught, revealing him not too far away from my position.

“You know Quincy, I don’t think you have a right appreciation for mother nature- I mean, I know I do, but only because I like to think of mother nature all but naked with only a leaf covering her most private areas.” I told him as I outlined a kick ass figure in the air with my hands. “And I don’t think she’d right appreciate what you did to her creation right there-” I conveniently ignored the fact I had destroyed the dozens of other of her creations here today. “So I think a little… punishment is in order.” I told him as I placed a single finger right before the Reishi filled air. “So have a little taste of my own creation- Concierto de Asesino.” With the words slipping from my mouth, and impossibly too fast to track orange Bala came out of where my finger was pointing in the Reishi and went whizzing past the Quincy’s head and off into the distance.

“With this little trick, I gather the Reishi in the air, similar to a Garganta, but instead of ripping the universe itself apart, I let it accumulate at one point, so that if I add my own bit of Reiatsu-” I held up smoking finger that was covered in red Reiatsu. “It will expel a blast equivalent to or lesser to the amount of Reiatsu I feed it- in this case, a Bala that doesn’t have the power of a regular one, but with a much greater potential speed, thus giving it a much greater force when it finally slams into that thick head of yours instead of a concussive blast/explosion like it usually gives. And don’t worry.” I smiled at him as I raised all five fingers next to the Reishi. “I won’t miss next time.”

Surprised I actually sounded smart there for a second? Don’t be- I Googled everything.

“Let’s rumble, kiddo- Round one, BEGIN!” I yelled as I started to shoot Bala’s off like they were on sale for Black Friday, while my opponent started shooting more, but lower powered arrows to keep up with my own onslaught of projectiles.

I looked over at the camera as my fingers did their work. “You know, I like to imagine there is a guitar I am shredding the -I am a loser- out of as I am doing these hand gestures.” I said as I returned back to the fight. “You ready to give up yet, Quincy?” He just smirked as we temporarily stopped firing. “You seem to forget I can collect the Reishi around us, and consistently fire more while you will eventually run out of power to do anything.” “Yeah- and you seem to be forgetting I’ve only been using one hand, and you could barely keep up then.” I told him as I lifted up my other hand, which was busy on my phone. “So can I call Leshawnda back, or no?” His eye twitched and he grit his teeth.

“-I am a loser- IT! I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!” He yelled as he took off the white glove on his right arm, causing the area around him to burst from the surge of power. “-I am a loser- biscuits.” I said as I looked at him. Then I looked down at my attack, only to see it drifting towards the Quincy. “Double -I am a loser- biscuits.” I looked back up to see an arrow pointed at my face. “Triple-” I had to dodge to the side to avoid the worst of the attack, but it still was able to rip off my left arm, cauterizing the wound and evaporating any blood that had managed to spill out. “GOD DAMN IT!” I yelled as I clutched my torn shoulder. “THAT WAS MY JACKIN’ IT ARM!” I dodged again to the right, this time avoiding getting a limb ripped off, but it still grazed my side. “Okay, that’s it!” I said as I stomped the ground. “Oscura Barrera de Materia!” I shouted as crystals popped out from the area my foot hit, creating a barrier that prevented him from reaching him.

Or I thought it would, but one arrow almost broke the entire thing. “God damn it, what the hell am I supposed to do here against Douche Ex Machina?!” I asked myself as I Sonidoed out of the way of another one. “Guess I dodge and wait for him to tucker OUT!” I screamed as he appeared behind me and took out my leg.

Well so much for dodging.

“Listen, buddy, you are probably low on steam, here, so why don’t we just talk it out like-” I couldn’t finish as he readied another arrow that I had to do something about. “Well, this is my most sacrificial technique that I didn’t want to use- ever, but you had to be a dick!” I said as I quickly regrew my left arm, only to rip it off again and coat in my Reiatsu. “Hope this kills you and not me, ya prick! Una Posición Armada : La Maldición de la Hondonada!” It was quite a mouthful.

My arm that was coated in red Reiatsu suddenly started spinning in circles, soon going at speeds that were faster than most people’s Sonido’s and Shunpo’s, soon starting to destabilize from the speed it was going, and then, once fully gone, shot out a MASSIVE red blast, easily dwarfing any of the Espada’s Grande Ray Cero, and clashing with the arrow of the Quincy, causing a mass explosion at which we were the epicenter of.

Soon after the explosion, I was able to sit up and cough as I looked at the devastation.

Nothing was left of the park(Even the previous crater had been eclipsed by the entire blast of the attacks.), all that was there was a massive new lot for a swimming pool. I sighed and laid back down. “I can’t believe I wasted my arm on a Quincy of all things.” I muttered as I sat up to go back to the bar and retrieve my things before the night ended and the hoomahns found this monstrosity, and by extension, my superiors. “Well, still don’t know where- GAH!” I was pinned to the ground by an arrow to the shoulder. “-I am a loser- -I am a loser-, mate! I thought I was rid of you with that attack!” Where as I was just burned in multiple places, without an arm and a leg, he didn’t look too damaged other than the countless 2nd and 3rd degree burns across his body, with his suit in tatters, barely covering his junk. “I, will, kill, you, you PEST!” He yelled as he loaded up one more arrow and all but shoved it near my head. “Now, die!” He hissed as he was about to shove it into my head-

POOF!

Well that was convenient.

“Well, well, well- looks like we have a good for nothing hoomahn just RIPE for the plucking here folks!” I grinned as the arrow in my shoulder disappeared the same time his powers did. “I may be out of an arm for a few days because of you, but oh boy- no one said I had to have both my arms to -I am a loser- up a hoomahn!” I exclaimed as I grabbed him by the throat with my one good arm(Well, my only arm I suppose at this point.) and used what was left of my Reiatsu to get my leg back. “Now, here’s what is gonna happen, you little -I am a loser-.” I told him as I threw him to the ground on his stomach and snapped my fingers. As soon as I did, karrie(Looking as good as new-) popped up next to me and handed me a 10 foot pole.

Oh yeah, this was happening.

“I am going to do this out of necessity- not because I want to, but because people like you need to learn their place.” I told him as I inspected the pole. “After all of this, I was willing to just go back on with my day, go back to the KKK-” He looked at me weirdly at that. “-Get my stuff, send out a man hunt for a damn runner when he needed to pay me my bill- but no. You just HAD to shoot an arrow through my shoulder and ruin my day, didn’t you?” I asked him as I knelt down to his level.

“You’ve been a naughty boy, Quincy. And naughty boys-” I grinned and pulled down his pants. “Need PUNISH-

END FLASHBACK, END THE DAMN FLASHBACK FOR THE MOTHER OF ALL THINGS HOLY, JESUS CHRIST!

“Aw, we were getting to the good part.” The looks I was receiving were not pleasant ones. “Okay, so- more examples then?”

And remember- this was purely for entertainment value, not making fun of anyone, and also don't forget to post your own Fanfics to make this a diversified, and cultural experience! Enjoy~

Mu Setsumei Uxukie
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Posts : 5
Join date : 2016-03-29

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