On Legs

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On Legs

Post by Daimon on Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:32 am


What's the point of legs? To allow us to walk? Then, where's the sense in walking. We can easily move from place to place, location to location, crawling on our lower abdomen and using our forearms. We do not need legs and neither does any other species for that matter. Just look at the snake; it does fine withought them. Look at the worm. It, too, does fine withought legs. It is able to acheive its purpose in life withought these useless appendeges.

So then why, should we, need them? Have you ever seen a vietnam, or civil war, veteran withought legs? Sure you have. They go around their day just fine. Sure, they have to use a wheelchair, but that's just another way of moving around, going about your life, withought legs.

Legs are not beautiful, they are ugly. They are hairy, they are all sorts of things. I have not once thought, in all of my years alive, that legs were "pretty" in any definition of the word. Underneath most people's pants, jeans, or whatever, are legs. The vile things.

I show no need to show them. I wear jeans everywhere I go, no matter if it is summer, winter, or any other month of the year. Hell, I even wear jeans when I go to sleep. I shudder when someone wears shorts, even in the summer. No one wants to see those things. I do not care if you're "hot". That's not an excuse for wearing shorts, notwithstanding people who have a condition, whatever it may be.

And if they do have a condition, it is because of their legs, is it not? Therefore, legs serve another useless purpose. Being parasites. They use up the entire lower half of your body's blood, meaning your heart has to strain harder in order to supply blood to your legs. Having none means your heart can relax a little. Overstressing it is not good in the slightest. Or what about cancer that appears in the legs? If you have that, well, amputation.

No legs means less chance for having cancer. Having no legs also means less places for mosquitos to suck your blood and, maybe, give you a virus. Really, who wants that? Then, after all these things, comes the worst kind of people.

Those people who are above 6 feet tall. Their legs are so long, they NEED to be chopped down. It's a waste of space that causes the person to be taller than they need be. However, it does not cause problems at 6 feet. I'm talking about the people who, gulp, are above 8 feet tall.

Most of these people have died in their early twenties and have felt little to nothing in their leg area. Hell, even the tallest person recorded alive has died because of his legs. He had to wear a brace, which rubbed a blister. Because he coudn't feel this, it was infected and he died shortly after at the ripe young age of around 23, I believe. It was definately somewhere from 21-25.

There you go, his legs killed him. His LEGS killed him. Legs are the most useless part of the human body besides the brain and the appendix. Atleast the tail-bone has some good use for it, but these things are completely -I am a loser- useless.

What about the feet? Are you counting those as part of the legs too? Yes, yes I am. Feet, though slightly more useful than legs, are still pretty -I am a loser- useless. I'd be fine if we had no legs, but we had feet. Therefore, everyone would be around four feet tall. Everyone is perfectly equal. Everyone is happy.

Individuality causes pain. That's why you need to conform. Therefore, I propose that we hold a charity. The funds will go to buying surgical tools dedicated to amputating the legs off of everyone able-bodied person. When we achieve our success, then we can go huzzah and waddle over to the fridge to grab a nice glass of beer.

Now, ask yourselves, "What should we do to take care of our legs?"

The first course of action, I would reccomend, would be to get rid of your legs completely. By doing so, you will live a much happier, healtier life. Trust me, I would know; I'm an expert. The first thing you should do is go to your local doctor and ask him how much it would cost to have your legs amputated. If they will not amputate your legs, or you cannot afford it, I suggest playing the game Dark Cut 2 first. Make sure to play it all the way through.

After you have done so, find a bonesaw and clean it throughly; then you should proceed to drink whiskey until you are drunk as hell. Then, grab some cleaning alcholol, bandages, and whatever else you can find to clean up the mess afterwards. Do this in the bathroom so you can dissolve the useless limb in the bathtub with acid.

Fill the bathtub with acid, whilst drunk mind you, and get to sawwing. Once you're doing sawwing through the leg, throw it into the bathtup and start disinfecting and bandaging your wound. Repeat all these steps with the other leg and you should have a much happier life had you done this right and not died from blood loss or infection.

Daimon
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Re: On Legs

Post by Break on Fri Apr 22, 2011 6:59 am

And now I give the floor to our guest speaker, Stephen Hawking...

also, obvious troll.
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Re: On Legs

Post by Daimon on Fri Apr 22, 2011 2:26 pm

I didn't mean to me serious or even semi-intellectual.

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